One of the most difficult topics for talking with a teenager is the meaning and purpose of human existence. If the child does not find answers to his questions, he can join in dangerous games - “Blue Whale”, “Run or Die”, “Dog High”, etc. Each of these games can end in death, so children who have already embarked on a dangerous path need psychological help. A child's awareness of the meaning and purpose of life is the best defense.
“A man in search of meaning”: why it is so important for a teenager
The most famous psychiatrist, existential psychologist, founder of the Third Vienna School of Psychotherapy Victor Frankl devoted his work to the complex topic of finding the meaning of life. He compared the thirst for knowledge of the essence, the goals of being with the need for drinking and wrote about this popular work - "A Man in Search of Meaning."
In recent years, online communities have spread that push children and adolescents to suicide. For example, the game "Blue Whale", whose tasks are reduced to destruction, torment, self-mutilation. Starting to play the Blue Whale, the child commits suicide within 50 days. If a teenager has already joined a group, you should immediately contact a psychological center to prevent unhappiness.
The cyberpolice finds the Blue Whale groups, arrests the creators and curators of communities. But this is not a panacea! There are new and new groups, and each child can become their victim.
The main task of parents, teachers, child psychologists is to give the child the answers that he is looking for. Otherwise, there may be intruders who respond to him in a completely different way, and this can lead to disastrous consequences.
Understanding the meaning and goals of life will not only save the teenager from the Blue Whale game, but also give him a sense of calm, satisfaction with life, and help to cope with the spleen attacks that arise during periods of hormonal adjustment. This is an effective prevention of suicide, drug addiction, entry into a sect, communication with "bad companies."
How to protect a child from the game "Blue Whale" and help to make sense of life?
Surely over the years you have developed your own idea of the meaning and main goals in life. Talk with your child, discuss your concept and listen to his opinion. This will help the child determine priorities, express what is bothering him.
It is possible that new discoveries await you, because adolescents often express extremely useful ideas. You will also understand what problems your child considers the most important.
We offer some psychological advice that will help your child more clearly understand life goals:
- Meet the child’s need to be good. Do not tell children phrases like “you are bad”, “you are a loser”, “you will not succeed”, even if you really do not believe in the success of any of his activities. The flip side of the “you're bad” rating is destruction that confirms this attitude. Let your child always be “good”, and “bad” - only some of his actions.
- Involve the teenager in physical labor. Let him help you around the house. Try to explain in every way possible how important the care of the house and the comfort of the family are. Constantly thank the child for any help - washed dishes, garbage. Emphasize how important it is for you that your child feels part of the family. This will help him get closer to understanding the idea of service — family, society, and homeland.
- Help your child form his own perceptions of responsibility. It is a matter of responsibility, not guilt for misconduct. As psychologists emphasize, it is important for the child to correctly determine the difference between these two concepts. Responsibility is the realization that every action has consequences. However, in no case do not cultivate guilt! It is extremely destructive.
- Explain that growth and development are sequential processes., learn to celebrate progress. Teenagers are maximalists. It seems to them that they should get instant results. Help your child learn how to set goals, divide them into steps, and correctly evaluate intermediate results. Do not forget to praise and support! Parental approval in achieving goals is very important.
The love and care of parents, their sincere desire to listen, support and help - all these are prerequisites for the future well-being of the child. Depends on how trusting relationships are formed in the family, whether the child learns to manage his own life, whether he comes to the realization of its meaning. By and large, happiness depends on this.
Take care and love your children! If at some point it seems to you that you are not coping, seek the advice of specialists from our psychological center. We will show you how to behave in difficult situations in a relationship with a child.
Let us build together, step by step, the happiness and well-being of your family!
Search for yourself.
That's what a teenager asks when his childhood is over, and he himself understands that he is becoming an adult. Naturally, questions arise: why am I growing up, why should I live, what is the meaning of life, how to find happiness in life, how to become successful? You, as parents, need to set an example. If a child comes up and asks you about the meaning of life, and sees that you are wrinkling, unsure, then you are undermining your authority. The meaning of life should be. No matter what, even the salvation of the Amur tigers, but you have it, you uphold your principles, set an example. It is not necessary that the meaning of your life coincides, just the presence of it, fullness of confidence - this is what a child needs to see to follow.
Now to the essence of the question. Specify what is not clear to the child. Why does he live? Why do people go to work? What is love? Is there life after death? Religion? Indeed, a misunderstanding in this important issue is unacceptable. When you find out what exactly worries the child, you need to explain this question to him. If you yourself can’t, then it’s not a sin to take the help of a specialist, for example, a psychologist, a priest or an authoritative relative. Tip: Avoid categorical statements leading to a dead end. For example: "Everyone lives like that." If you don’t know something, admit it better directly, this will give you the opportunity to return to this issue and discuss different points of view. No categorical, listen, explain, do not insist on your only true view, perhaps it is your child in the future who will scientifically refute what you are proving now with foam at the mouth. Express your opinion calmly, ask if the child agrees. Do not expect the result right away, it takes time for the teenager to draw conclusions and come to his opinion.
A child changes, becomes a man or a woman. First, the incomprehensible inspires fear, because only yesterday everyone was like children, and now secondary sexual characteristics appear, the hormonal background changes.
2. The transition from childhood to adulthood
Along with a change in the body, the worldview is changing. A carefree childhood passes, you need to go into adulthood. And what's in there? This question worries the child. It turns out everything is not as shown in Disney cartoons.
3. Problems with parents
Try not to succumb to the provocations of your child. You are older and smarter. And now you have to face unjustified aggression, rudeness, rebellion. Understand that he already considers himself an adult, and you still treat him like a child. A teenager becomes a personality. Accept it as it is, but guide it gently in the right direction, and not force it.
Tips for raising a teenager
1. The right to privacy
A person should have a place where he can retire, think, do what he loves. The teenager should have his own room, or a corner where they do not climb into it. Now he has his own ideas, soaps and ideas. Let him conquer the virtual universe, write novels or draw anime. These are his hobbies, and you need to learn to respect them. For example, the son was very fond of tattoos, the father was worried that the child would get a tattoo and regret it, but did not threaten and scandal. And he acted as an adult. Gave a 13-year-old son a tattoo machine, now the guy is earning pocket money with this.
2. Problems in communication with peers
The relationship of peers at school ... Until now, many of us with horror remember the school. In adolescence, the teenager is taught how to position himself, the ability to work in a team, the ability to stand up for himself. It is important not to miss this moment, to teach, show on an example how to achieve authority and recognition, how to behave with the opposite sex. To give advice, you need, first of all, trust from the child, make sure that your child does not go to the yard for advice, for example.
Be attentive to your words. Teenagers perceive everything with hostility. Remember how many girls suffer from bulimia. And her reason is that once mom or dad said that she was fat. There is no trust, the girl consults with a girlfriend and make the most ingenious decision .... Therefore, try not to joke about the appearance of a teenager, praise, help unobtrusively. Tell us without irony and jokes about acne remedies, healthy nutrition. But don't hit the teenager’s fragile ego.
To help teenagers. How to learn to enjoy life: 4 simple steps
1 step. Look into yourself
The ability to enjoy life is the ability to see this life from a certain angle:
- To see something cool and attractive in the usual, everyday, everyday
- to be open to other people
- adapt quickly to change
- never lose hope.
- do not get stuck in unpleasant experiences. negative emotions, memories are badly erased. They accumulate, layering on top of each other: a person has not yet left when the car almost ran over him, and then they stepped on his foot. Because of this, the world around is perceived as complex, dangerous, unkind, requiring struggle and overcoming. Nothing good can be expected from him. What joy of life is there?
- If it’s more difficult for you than for other people, you don’t have to cheat yourself, do not cook in the cauldron of your emotions, and treat everything with light and humor, then understanding your own characteristics allows you to greatly improve your life and focus on getting started.
2 step. Slow down and start living "here and now"
- It is impossible to enjoy the beauty of nature from the window of a high-speed train, and with grandiose architecture on the run, having buried in the phone. So it is impossible to enjoy life in the everyday hustle and bustle, which, it seems, will not end.
- Accustom yourself to stop, “emerge” from the whirlpool to look around and enjoy the current moment, from simple and seemingly insignificant things - cuddle your pet, bake your favorite cake, delve into an interesting book /
- As long as you “fell out” of the world, nothing will happen to him for sure, and some problems may even disappear by themselves.
- The past cannot be returned, but valuable lessons can be learned from it.
- The future is unknown, and this inability to look into it gives rise to a lot of anxiety. Scrolling through situations that have already become history, and anxiety for the future, take a lot of energy, so by force of will return yourself to the “here and now”. Be sure to praise yourself and relax, recover after they are completed.
3 step. Identify your real opportunities
Society makes a huge number of demands on everyone - we must be competent, attractive and successful. From the need to do too much impeccably, to the "five", you easily fall into despair.
- Determine what you can reach for and don’t take on more than you can do. It is vitally important to know the boundaries of your real capabilities, to set yourself an interesting, complex, but feasible level. If this bar is beyond, fate will forever click you on the nose.
- It is in your power to internally determine for yourself a list of achievable goals and deeds. And then just rejoice at your successes and new knowledge - without depreciation and self-criticism. Then make a new list, complete it and be happy again.
- We follow the life of friends and strangers through social networks, and it seems to us that they have it much more interesting, richer, tastier. But this is not so; it is a distorted picture of the world. In the virtual space, people spread all the best that they have, sometimes specially creating a beautiful image of a successful and joyful person. And you need to understand that there, behind the window, the same life as you have, your own worries and calluses, and not an eternal, carefree holiday.
4 step. Master the art of small steps
The ability to enjoy life, like any new skill, is first and foremost the art of small steps.
Great joy also consists of small, weightless joys. Accustom yourself to see all the good things in life (and thank fate for this). Look for the bright side in what is happening, and in the actions of other people - positive intentions.
A few drops of positive emotions every hour add up to a rather big sea pleasantly lived for a day.
Listen to yourself and meet your needs. Out of fulfilled needs, general satisfaction with life grows, and inattention to oneself, infringement of one’s needs are very expensive. Constantly ask yourself: “what do I want?”, “What will bring me joy right now?”, “How can I support myself?”
Say good, kind words to yourself, learn to defend yourself internally and not reproach for mistakes. Move more - with active and regular physical activity, hormones are produced that improve the emotional state.
Less unrealistic expectations. High expectations are the path to deep disappointment. "When they complain about life, it almost always means that they demanded the impossible from it." It does not happen that everything constantly develops successfully and smoothly.
It’s impossible to just laugh and never cry. In life, there will always be problems, daily routine, troubles, and sometimes minutes of grief, hopelessness, a sense of injustice.
But this is not our whole life. It also has the pleasure of good study, work, and the pleasure of communicating with nice people, and unexpected luck, and little surprises.
And everyone decides for himself that he first of all notices and appreciates. What fills his life., And how free and happy he is in this life variety.