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How to communicate with an introvert?

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Hi, Pavel Yamb is with you again!

Tell me, do you know who you are: an extrovert or an introvert?

Why do you need to know this? Well, at least then, in order to determine what kind of activity is more suitable for you. Because many want to sing, but not everyone is given it. And when a person nevertheless sings, not understanding his real abilities, it is funny and pathetic to listen. We can say for sure: success is unlikely to await such "singers", except perhaps as clowns.

So, let's do what suits us. Or at least know what traits you need to work with.

Back to the basics

Now you can find many different tests that allow you to determine what type of personality you belong to.

In fact, such psychological concepts as extraversion and introversion in the generally accepted variation have been simplified: the extrovert is sociable and active, the introvert is closed and thoughtful. However, everything is not so simple. Returning the lost meaning, these two types of personality mainly manifest themselves as follows:

ExtrovertIntrovert
In communication:
easily finds a common language with others,

loves noisy events

trying to take a leading position

interested in celebrity life,

knows a lot of jokes,

depends on the opinions of others.

selective,

prefers quiet places

observes more than attracts attention

may have his own view of things, sometimes contrary to the generally accepted.

In emotions:
emotional,

expressive.

restrained,

compromise.

In the attitude:
practitioner

recognizes socially accepted trends,

actively promotes what he believes in.

philosopher,

interested in spiritual issues and practices,

Does not impose his views on others.

In the occupation, he selects areas:
social

practical.

scientific

technical

It should be noted that not all of the listed characteristics are characteristic of each extrovert or introvert, especially since each of them has its own manifestation scale. Depending on the upbringing, an extrovert can be either pleasant or unbearable.

The same is true for the introvert. However, it is possible to generalize the unified characteristic of these psychotypes as follows: a person who wants to communicate and is oriented towards socially accepted norms is an extrovert. A person who carefully chooses friends and for whom his inner sensation is more important than external values ​​is an introvert.

Manifestation at different age stages

Interestingly, the prevailing tendency is not unchanged. In childhood, even introverts exhibit more extrovert features: the child learns, absorbs experience, so communication is a natural need.

The external or internal orientation begins to manifest itself more pronounced in adolescence, although the need for communication and recognition from others is still great.

Youth is also an age when communication is natural and necessary: ​​in this period of life, the idea of ​​creating a family is especially relevant.

So the final formation of the psychotype occurs by 30-40 years. Introverts sigh with relief that they no longer have to spend more time in companies than they want. And extroverts continue to enjoy communication.

In old age, the need for communication more often increases again. Or just introverts begin to relate to him easier because of life experience. Most often, it is the elderly who speak with strangers on the streets. Regarding children, animals, weather - friendly and kind. By the way, it’s also very cool to ask the elderly people about the road - they always know where everything is located, and they are ready to share this information.

Interaction among themselves

Communication between extroverts and introverts develops. well, differently, in general. Again, it depends on the education. But also from many other things, of course.

Extroverts, mainly living in the company of other extroverts, will not understand the restrained nature of the introvert. “There are devils in a quiet pool” - this perfectly reflects the opinion of the extrovert about introverts. Not expressing itself explicitly - means incomprehensible. Incomprehensible - means doubtful or even dangerous.

But introverts are enraged by extroverts, if they also communicate mainly with people of their psychotype. A person who is not inclined to express his emotions loudly and publicly will be very uncomfortable to be next to a raging extrovert.

Although these types are complementary and balancing each other. If there are both in the family, then such communication is beneficial for everyone: introverts calm the noisy and emotional nature of extroverts, and the latter, in turn, pull out introverts from a quiet corner where they tend to hide.

The truth in the middle

I must say that both introverts and extroverts have their own weaknesses. Introverts from time to time suffer from an excess of communication - but where in our world can you get away from it? Extroverts, on the contrary, suffer from a lack of communication. For them, loneliness and silence are the most unpleasant state. Probably, an extrovert Robinson, who found himself on a desert island, would sooner begin to talk with parrots than an introvert Robinson. But the fact remains: those and others prefer to remain in their half of the field.

What about low self-esteem? Find out here.

But the ambivert is such a happy person who feels comfortable both in solitude and in a noisy company. So he is able to direct and balance not only himself, but also others. If there is such a person in the team, then he will certainly enjoy authority. It will be addressed to him to resolve any disputes and misunderstandings. However, people who are clearly between one and the other psychotype practically do not exist. Anyway, they will be at least a little, but gravitate either to extroverts or to introverts.

Know yourself

Well, after reading this article, you have probably already decided which type you belong to.

If everything suits you - there are no problems, you are a happy person whose inclinations meet the world and needs. But what to do if not everything in life suits and you need to adapt to uncomfortable life tasks?

Here I console you: far from always extroverts really need constant communication, and introverts - alone. Very often, an elementary inability to behave pushes us deeper into the psychotype. And if you master the communication skills or learn to occupy yourself without communication, then such a pastime may not be so unpleasant.

Sometimes it’s very useful to expand your borders, plunged into an unusual atmosphere. So we can better understand other people, and we will learn a lot of interesting things about ourselves. So, determining the psychotype is only the first step. Next: to master something new - this will expand your own capabilities. This is exactly what those who achieve success do. But we all want to succeed, right?

So I wish you pleasant communication and comfortable loneliness!

But if you think that introverts cannot become leaders, then watch this video:

The boundaries of introvert communication

It may seem that getting along with the introvert is very difficult: it is hardly possible to catch his mood, it is difficult to call for a conversation, but there is no question of entering the circle of trusted persons. But believe me, these people are the same as you.

It is only important to learn two basic principles:

  1. Inner space.
    This is the most important rule and the holiest sphere on which you should not encroach in any case. Remember that introverts are "fixated on inner experiences," and therefore, a claim to their personal Universes will be regarded as an insult. If the introvert is aimed at the evening in the company of his own thoughts, do not try to brazenly pull him out of the house to a party or, God forbid! - invade his home without warning. This is bad form.
  2. Respect.
    Believe me, it is important for an introvert that people respect him. Perhaps you do not understand his “jumps”. It is likely that you cannot come to terms with this eternal need to "be alone." It does not matter. As long as you respect and accept the introvert as a person, he will not turn his back on you. Many people think that an introvert can change and force itself to become an extrovert. But a moment, gentlemen! No one is obliged to meet your expectations, and the psychological archetype, like orientation, is not chosen - this is for life.

Try to fix these two principles in your head, like a canvas. And, you can be sure, everything will become much easier. Many introverts are very interesting people, well-read and erudite. They will be happy to share their opinions, tell a lot of new things and surprise with their mature outlook on life. If you find out what an introvert is interested in, you will be pleasantly surprised when you discover how willingly he makes contact. The advantages in communicating with the introvert are obvious: they are affectionate, do not exchange for cheap people and remain faithful to their close circle.

Yes, you will not drag an introvert into a big crowd of people - the crowd bores him - but if you require support, good advice or just a warm conversation, be sure that the introvert feels human sentiments like no other and is able to catch them. A good friend and a pleasant interlocutor will come out of him.

Of course, all people are far from perfect, but there are a few really gross errors that are undesirable when communicating with an introvert:

1. "You will remain alone if you do not change!"

Such a position often causes irritation, and for the most sensitive introverts - resentment and long hours of worries about their personality. Yes, introverts like to be alone. But nobody wants to stay completely alone. And such speeches can lead to the fact that a person will hate his own introversion, as a kind of ugliness, and will carefully eradicate it. As you know, such attempts are often in vain. This is especially true for the parents of an introvert child: your child wants to receive recognition and support, and not at all reproached that he "does not know how to communicate."

2. "Do not make such a face as if you do not care at all!"

A common comment that has nothing to do with the real mood and thoughts of introverts. These people do not have such a moving facial expression as extroverts; they do not know how to clearly express their emotions, due to which it seems to others that introverts are always dissatisfied with something, suppressed or even evil.

3. "You become isolated in your world and you do not notice anyone but yourself!"

Pretty mean phrase, because it is close to the truth. But introverts are not at all as egocentric as they often want to imagine them.

It's simple: there is a circle of close people for whom the introverts will sacrifice all their interests, and the opinion of the rest of the world is already secondary. In addition, introverts live in their personal worlds, from which comes the assessment of reality. But this is not egocentrism. Yes, they sometimes lack the proper courtesy or tact, but, in truth, introverts least of all want to impose themselves or cause someone problems. And if they do not meet your expectations, then, excuse me, these were only your expectations. Therefore, do not hang up responsibility for your illusions on the introvert.

Such mistakes are often made by parents, when in childhood it is still difficult for the introvert to resist pressure from outside. The formation of personality begins with five years, when there is an active immersion in society. As a rule, by these years it can already be assumed which child will become a mobile and hyperactive leader, and which one will prefer to retire from all the fuss of the people.

In the period of the formation of personality, an important role is played by the family in which a small introvert dwells. If he grows up in a calm, democratic environment, where all problems are solved not by shouts and belts, but by spiritual conversations, then it is likely that the future introvert will become a mature and self-confident person.

However, if the child is often frustrated, and their inner experiences are most of all interested, then be sure: you will develop an inferiority complex in your child that will subsequently prevent him from living. Become for the child that support which he longs to see in close people. After all, who else but parents would support him in any situation?

Many mothers often asked a question: how to make a child be at least a little more sociable? No way. Leave him alone and give the right to be who he is. If your son or daughter is more comfortable sitting at home and watching movies than walking in clubs, then think - maybe this has its advantages? This is usually answered with the phrase, they say, he does not even have friends. If they are not, then there are no worthy ones. As soon as a person appears who is really interesting for an introvert, the problem will be solved by itself. One faithful friend is better than a bunch of "friends".

In addition, making friends with an introvert is not at all as difficult as it seems. Yes, it will take a lot of time, because he cautiously lets strangers into his universe. Do not set yourself the goal of rubbing the introvert in confidence for a month or even six months: this is impossible. Bet on unobtrusive and interesting communication for a long time and you will not lose.

The main thing you need to know is the scope of the introvert

Lure him with a conversation. Does he like books? Perfectly! Take an interest in what genres he prefers, what works inspire him - in a word, call an introvert for dialogue. At first, he may be extremely reluctant to answer, but if the introvert sees a lively interest in you, rather than an empty interest, he will be pleased.

Use your area of ​​interest as a bridge between you and his mysterious world. Try to have your communication in private: introverts get nervous when there are a lot of people and extraneous noise in the room. Do not try to drag an introvert into your company. Most likely, he will soon get tired and, under any pretext, take time to go home to his secluded little world.

An introvert receives energy from his inner space, and therefore, after a party in a noisy company, he will feel exhausted and tired. Give him exactly as much time to recover as he needs. And remember: no obsession. Your communication should be as easy as possible.

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