Divorce is a very complex topic in itself. All situations are different, and, as a rule, not a single divorce is like another. And now it has become almost normal phenomenon - this is no longer nonsense, they do not shout about it at every corner. But still, this process did not become less painful for anyone.
Divorce affects everyone, and it is somehow connected with incredible stress, even if it passes quietly and almost "in a friendly way." As we understand it, the whole process is especially hard experienced by children. It is not necessary to think that if a child is small, he does not understand anything. Believe me, this is an illusion - even if he does not understand the words, he understands the atmosphere that prevails in the house and between parents. You also don’t need to think that adult children suffer a divorce without a trace, no, this is also an illusion: they experience the same stress, and maybe even more than small children. However, this is not even a topic for a separate article, but for multi-volume studies. So let's get back to our topic. So, after a divorce, parents somehow continue to communicate on various issues: raising a common child, financial maintenance, common property, etc. And in order for your children (and you yourself) not to suffer so much from “not developed relations”, you should adhere to only five basic rules, which we will consider further.
After a divorce, everyone should remain themselves
These are the basic rules for communication between parents and parents with a child.
I did not mention here that none of the partners has the right to deprive the child of the attention of the other parent, the parents do not have the right to manipulate the child to achieve their own goals, and the child cannot become a bargaining chip in relations between ex-husband and wife - these are the postulates should be excluded a priori!
If it happened in your life that you divorced, and there is a child in your relationship, think first of all about him, and only then about your own ambitions!
Honesty and only honesty
First you need to honestly ask yourself: do you really want a baby who in the future will become an integral part of your daily life or is it just a second weakness caused by the moral pressure of relatives and friends? And only after you gave yourself a frank positive answer, you can start a conversation with your husband.
How to say?
To begin with, you must understand that your desire to have an heir must be pronounced clearly and aloud. But psychologists do not recommend doing this on the forehead. First you need to choose the right moment: when the husband is in the mood, not tired and not annoyed. Having caught such an hour, for starters you can dream a little with your husband, for example, ask about the secrets of his childhood.
Try to ask your partner in more detail about whether his grandmother took solfeggio and who he dreamed of being a child ... Tell me about how you yourself were a member or captain of a volleyball team. Thus, the conversation will smoothly move to the stage of childhood, respectively, and to the topic of children. Next, carefully ask how many children he would like to have and when he sees the best time to plan them.
Calm anxiety spouse
There can be several such alarms at once. The first - mom and baby will immediately sit on dad's neck. To reassure your husband, convince him that you are not going to be such a stone that you will immediately go to work as soon as the opportunity arises to give the baby to nursery, or, for example, you will work at home.
The second fear of a man is your corrupted figure. Representatives of the stronger sex are also often worried about this. And therefore, promise him immediately after birth to buy a subscription to the gym and go on a diet.
Love for three
Very often, men whose partners tell them about the desire to have children, begin to fear that they will suffer from a lack of love and attention from their other half. Therefore, immediately assure the man that he will be as important to you as before. Explain that you are ready to continue to give him love, respect, sex and help in all matters.
And, at the end of the conversation, try to pick up arguments that will be relevant specifically for your man. Maybe he has been dreaming for a long time about an assistant who will repair a car with him or about a friend with whom you can go fishing. Also tell us about your desire to have a little au pair.
And, in the end, explain to your husband that with the advent of a child in your family, the number of people who sincerely love him will increase at least two.