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How did you tell your parents that you are staying for the first time with a guy?

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I would like to continue the topic of sex with a stranger. There is one troubling question there. No wonder they say that sex is not a reason for acquaintance. However, according to eyewitnesses, in most cases, after sex, girls fall asleep in the arms of a random partner. These things amaze me immensely. With even greater amazement, I think about the morning. So it’s easy to wake up in the same bed with a stranger.

We slept and go home. Why all these difficulties?

I never managed to stay overnight. That is, it’s not that it didn’t work out, but somehow it wasn’t even planned. I don’t understand why. And any persuasion is useless.

I see it like this. Before going to bed, you need to remove the lenses, remove makeup from the face, take a bath and drink a cup of tea. And go to bed in your bed. After checking your mail and turning on your favorite movie. Everyone has their own rituals. Each has its own comfort zone.

Further more. Morning. Generally a nightmare. After waking up, you need to go to the bathroom, where there is no your toothbrush. Then he wants to go into the kitchen - to have a cup of coffee. And if the man is still sleeping? Wake or not wake? Is it proper to host in someone else's kitchen? See how many questions.

I do not remember the case that a man did not try to persuade him to stay until morning. All insist, finding answers to all my excuses.

- There is a 24-hour pharmacy nearby. We will buy there a solution for lenses, a container, and a toothbrush, and what is needed to remove cosmetics ...

What men just won’t do for the sake of morning sex. Cute kid. But no. Sleep only home.

Well, and grandmother, of course. Where without her? It went down in history thanks to the messy connections of the grandson. So grandmother was sleeping in the passage room. I had to crawl past her almost in the darkness in the dark. And then persuade to stay overnight! Well what will you do? How do you imagine our morning with grandmother, if at night in the dark he hardly dragged me, as if through a minefield? No, I pass. No need to annoy the elderly. It’s bad for them to worry. Me, by the way, too.

Since the topic of sharing nights with practically strangers has been of interest to me for a long time, sometimes I interviewed male friends.

A friend tells how he spent the weekend. Met on Friday night in a bar with a girl. Let's go to him. She left him only on Sunday evening.

- Can not be! Tell me how this is possible in practice. She, of course, was made up?

- Well, yes, sort of. Eyes for sure.

“So she slept with painted eyes?”

“In the morning, when she woke up, was the mascara smeared?”

“The devil knows him.” It seems not. Maybe she had some means with her?

- I always have a few just in case ...

I wonder if she had any spare underwear with her, I thought, but I didn’t speak out anymore. Okay, everything is clear with them. Only one conclusion can be drawn from the interrogation: men do not particularly bother about how women look in the morning. In vain the young ladies are so worried. Since he didn’t even pay attention to whether the mascara was smeared. Hm.

By the way, this raises one very slippery question. Should a man in such a situation pay a young lady taxi? This usually happens.

- Do you have money? - the man asks.

That's all. Pay yourself. There is something unfair about this. Although, I remember that the cute boy who wanted to call in the round-the-clock pharmacy just put the money for a taxi in my bag and said "tsyts". As you can see, there are normal men. And I always said! Not easy. It's time to put in the red book. Well, yes, we are not talking about that.

- Well, what are you! They say. - Morning is the most interesting! Lying in bed, drinking coffee together, chatting. It's so romantic! You can also get to know each other better!

Yes, what a romance! What can be romantic about waking up in the morning with a stranger? Is that love at first sight. So this is one case per million.

And, there is still an opinion that the girls, hoping for a continuation of the relationship, try to appear before the gentleman in the best possible way. (I can’t imagine how it is even possible, waking up in a strange house in the morning.) The bottom line is that they fuss in the morning in the kitchen, preparing an amazing breakfast, showing the potential groom also his culinary abilities.

No, I do not understand and do not want. I would like to first know the person, understand what you are on the way, and then wake up together in the morning. And here is some wrong sequence.

And in general, if a person really likes, you really think that something could have worked out for you, then you won’t go to his house on the first night of meeting ...

Explain, in general, why stay overnight?

Solovieva Svetlana Ivanovna

Psychologist, Gestalt therapist. Specialist from the site b17.ru

How how. She said that it would be better if we deal with this at his house, and we’ll not hide on the porches. There was a shock .. But everyone understood and there were no questions

why should the family say that you’re eating with a guy? say that to a friend. or that there will be a company besides you. I myself have never asked for it in such a way, but I know from friends that no one openly told parents

Eh, in our family there are probably free morals. I stopped being a girl at 19, and my mother knew everything. I once just said that. And so far I can ask my mother for advice in something, but without discussing my bed relationship with her husband.

I always said that I was going to my friends, I even went to a guy to another country and said that I was going to my girlfriend))) I lived there for half a year ahaha)))) then when the guy came to me overnight they found out that I was meeting with him) )))))

At first I was encrypted (like, I’ll stay with my friend for the night or go with my friends to the country for the weekend), and then I decided - how small, I was already 20 then. My parents knew the guy I met, and have long met. What they thought about my virginity, I don’t know. I did not discuss this with them.
In short, she just called and said: “Mom, I won’t come home today, I stay with Sergey for the weekend” (this is my boyfriend). I hear, silence hung in the phone. and then - okay.
When I arrived home, I feel that my parents discussed this with each other. Mom is kind of gloomy. but my father helped me out - he began to talk in abstract conversations and the topic of my return from an overnight stay at the guy’s house (Oh my God!)) drove smoothly.
But then it became no problem. I'm an adult, life goes on, head on shoulders, incl. I decide for myself. My relationship with my parents is excellent, the theme of my personal life remains only my personal theme :)

Eh, in our family there are probably free morals. I stopped being a girl at 19, and my mother knew everything. I once just said that. And so far I can ask my mother for advice in something, but without discussing my bed relationship with her husband.

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Similarly, I was only 17, she said to mom. Mom did not like the idea of ​​staying with MCH for the night, but first we went to his friend's house with an overnight stay, and then I stayed in his apartment a couple of times.
The duration of the action if that is the end of the 80s))) And now, probably, there are no longer any parents who think of those virgins about their 20-year-old daughters.

Similarly, I was only 17, she said to mom. Mom did not like the idea of ​​staying with MCH for the night, but first we went to his friend's house with an overnight stay, and then I stayed in his apartment a couple of times.
The duration of the action if that is the end of the 80s))) And now, probably, there are no longer any parents who think of those virgins about their 20-year-old daughters.

Still encrypted, although probably my mother guesses. But explanations like "better at his place than do not understand where" do not work on her. She stubbornly oppresses that she does not like it, if only I could gasp, and decent girls spend the night at home. Bullshit, in a word

Still encrypted, although probably my mother guesses. But explanations like "better at his place than do not understand where" do not work on her. She stubbornly oppresses that she does not like it, if only I could gasp, and decent girls spend the night at home. Bullshit, in a word

and how old are you?

Well, if parents only gave such an upbringing, then it’s their own fault that such is the outcome and result, tell them. How did I tell you? I got married, we could not guess

And now, probably, there are no longer any parents who think of those virgins about their 20-year-old daughters.
What are you, now heaps of innocent people after the age of 25, my friend told me she was a genius, most of the beauties said))

I never went to sleep. When the guy appeared, I moved to a rented apartment to be on my territory, not to restrain anyone and not to strive for myself to be comfortable personally for me, to fall asleep and wake up at home. After some time, they had already gathered with the Mch and began to live together. In my opinion, sex is an activity for adults, and for adults it is ridiculous to poke around in the corners and ask for time. This is my IMHO.

No way. She said that I was going to sleep with a friend.

It was encrypted for a long time, and then it bothered me and told my mother on the phone. On the other side of the wire, as they already said, there was a deathly silence :) Then mother said: “Well, you are more careful there” (she thought she was staying for the first time), and they didn’t return to this topic.

I also have everything according to the script. I left for 20 years. I called and said: Mom, can I stay with Andrei today? At night. There was a short silence in the pipe. Then so hesitant: stay well. We did not discuss this when returned home in the morning.

I, a 30-year-old woman, hid my boyfriends. Every day, my mother called up at a certain time. So I went to the store to talk with my mom. lied that I was walking with a friend. and mom is still so, come home call. otherwise I’ll worry. she could not read sms. general ambush !! at 32 on the phone she said she was pregnant. sooooo shameful !! I still threw a pregnant guy. maybe if she brought the boys to her parents, she would sit at the table, together they would drip gardens, plant potatoes, maybe I would have a more serious relationship with the guys. as well as weekend dinners, hiding from parents who lived km from me

* lived 300 km from me

And how does a guy spend the night when his parents are outside the wall? How in the morning in a strange house in the bathroom prysya? And having breakfast with his mom dad?

And how does a guy spend the night when his parents are outside the wall? How in the morning in a strange house in the bathroom prysya? And having breakfast with his mom dad?
/ And the fact that the guy lives alone is not considered an option? I stayed in his apartment and washed in his bath. And not in the house of his parents.

And how does a guy spend the night when his parents are outside the wall? How in the morning in a strange house in the bathroom prysya? And having breakfast with his mom dad?
/ And the fact that the guy lives alone is not considered an option? I stayed in his apartment and washed in his bath. And not in the house of his parents.

And how does a guy spend the night when his parents are outside the wall? How in the morning in a strange house in the bathroom prysya? And having breakfast with his mom dad?

And how does a guy spend the night when his parents are outside the wall? How in the morning in a strange house in the bathroom prysya? And having breakfast with his mom dad?

I called from him already and said that I stayed to spend the night, there were a lot of screams, but we had everything seriously, I didn’t tell my mom about other guys that I stayed to spend the night)

no way. my personal life is only mine. and it always has been)) I do not consider it necessary to notify the city of my plans. But I always inform you - where am I and with whom, and what am I doing - my business, even though I breed cats

It so happened that from the age of 16 I lived myself, I came to St. Petersburg to study. was a very correct girl, and if I met with the boys, then only kiss-walks. But at 22, I was not covered in a childish way, and, as on purpose, at that time my mother was in St. Petersburg. HOW SHE DIDN'T LET ME TO THE GUY, DO NOT TALK WITH ME. This despite the fact that she graduated perfectly from the university and earned very cool money (she was lucky with work). We parted after a couple of months, I was very worried. Then I helped my parents buy an apartment, although now I don’t understand why they dragged me into these long three years of my youth.
Now I have a daughter herself, she is 7. My question is how to talk with teenagers about this, how to react. Since I myself am strictly educated, I can’t imagine how to be in 5-7 years, when will adulthood begin? Write, know.

ahahaha. I’m 27 years old still shy and not talking about relationships))) thank God my parents bought a separate apartment, there is no need to tell. I was alone for a long time, so sometimes I lie that I am alone on the weekend. I don’t want to talk about my boyfriend. I don’t want to answer questions about him, and if we part, I don’t want to procrastinate it (my mother loves this business).

I never spent the night with a guy, and never lived in GB. I went to my friends in my youth, and the guys came there. When I fell in love seriously, and we decided to go on holidays together, we had to take things out to work in advance, and then I called home and said that I was going. Otherwise, they wouldn’t just let me out. There was a scandal, my mother cried. just awful. I was 23g.


Now I have a daughter herself, she is 7. My question is how to talk with teenagers about this, how to react. Since I myself am strictly educated, I can’t imagine how to be in 5-7 years, when will adulthood begin? Write, know.

For a long time I was not even allowed to visit my friend in the neighboring house. The excuse was this: "You’ll earn it yourself, then you’ll go wherever you want." At the university, they started letting their classmates get ready for classes (in fact), because for mine, the worst thing was that I wouldn’t prepare for study. They wrote down their home phones; not everyone had cell phones. Then when I fell in love at the age of 19, I began to lie that I was "getting ready to study" from that classmate who did not have a home telephone. When I got a normal job at 22, after a couple of months she said: "Today I’m sleeping at Danila’s." They tried, of course, to scandalize, but I recalled that I was earning money myself, they were quiet. To be honest, I think that such methods are wrong, and if I have my own children, I will try to be in a more trusting relationship with them. Better to have sex at home in a clean bed and without rush than in any porch without proper protection.

no way. I brought him to my place for the night and put relatives before the fact .. I always spent the night at home .. everything was calm, I realized that I was not small

I’m almost twenty years old now, but still learning. I’m meeting with a guy, it’s a week without hope, but before that we were friends for a long time. And now we have to go to his dacha for holidays, because holidays. But my mother can’t even hear about such things. I can’t even walk until twelve. I go home and have constant scandals. She justifies this by saying that I’m studying (good-natured girl) and I don’t earn money, and when I’ll keep myself, then I’ll what do I want to do.

I was 17. I asked. Didn't let go


Well, why so? You can stay at home at night when there are no parents.
I already wrote above about my meetings with a guy. I stayed with him when his parents left for the whole weekend, he stayed with me when my parents left. I never slept with MCH, if my parents were behind the wall, at least mine, at least him.


Similarly, I was only 17, she said to mom. Mom did not like the idea of ​​staying with MCH for the night, but first we went to his friend's house with an overnight stay, and then I stayed in his apartment a couple of times.
The duration of the action if that is the end of the 80s))) And now, probably, there are no longer any parents who think of those virgins about their 20-year-old daughters.

Moderator, I draw your attention to the fact that the text contains:

Forum: love

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The answer of the family psychologist:

In this case, there are no right and guilty. Your father has some kind of need to respect appearances. Naturally, he understands that you are already in an intimate relationship, but spending the night with a guy is, like, publicly signing this and publicizing the fact of your intimate life. He’s probably not afraid of the opinions of your boyfriend’s parents, who, of course, understand everything. Perhaps he fears the opinions of some other people who will observe this and make their own judgments, which may be unpleasant for him. Yes, and there is some such abstract fear of public opinion. All this is his opinion, his fears, his problems, in general. But only while you are financially dependent on him, he will dictate terms to you. It doesn’t matter which ones are good or bad, convenient or not, but he has the right to this simply by the fact of this very financial dependence. Unfortunately or fortunately, it is extremely rare that parents allow their child to completely manage their own lives and at the same time help financially, without requiring anything in return. As a rule, most parents want the child to “pay” for the financial assistance rendered after adulthood, consciously or unconsciously, but as long as the parents have the lever of control and power, they use it. Hence a simple conclusion: if you want to completely manage your life, you will have to become financially independent from your parents. // While I can not pay for my own housing. If I have to take an academy and go to work, then the salary will be enough only to pay for education. // If you consider yourself already quite an adult, you will have to make your adult choice. For example, going to work to at least live separately (it doesn’t matter where at the guy’s house, if his parents don’t mind, or renting his house, refusing to study at least temporarily, in order to gain freedom in his personal life and deprive his parents leverage over you). And then, with the development of professional activity, earn more and go to graduate. Or you will have to obey the rules of your father until you finish training and disconnect from them completely. Then no one else can dictate the terms to you. Such is adulthood. It does not go out to receive anything, without investing anything in it or without sacrificing anything. // how to influence / convince parents that at 20 I’m not allowed to occasionally spend the night with a guy (and elsewhere) at least strange // You can explain it arbitrarily and arbitrarily for as long as you like, but it all comes down to one simple fact: parents may just NOT want to hear it. And they have a right to it. Just as you have the right to want to live the way you want, they have the right to consider their point of view correct. And there is no global standard that can make them start to think differently. An equal dialogue is possible only between two adults who are financially and psychologically independent from each other. Everything else will be addiction and manipulation, and agreeing at this level may not work, alas. Apparently, you really have come to make some of your adult elections. And to realize that growing up is not only rights, but also responsibility for them. Of course, at the level of common sense, I understand you and support your desire not to pretend to anyone and not to play games. Nevertheless, it makes sense to understand all of the above and act on the basis of these realities.

Sincerely, Nesvitsky Anton Mikhailovich.

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