There are happy women who have been married for many years constantly falling in love. And always in your husband! How do they do it? Passion.ru decided to figure it out.
Whether you are married or just in a long relationship - it does not matter, anyway, over time, routine absorbs romance and fresh feelings. You are used to each other, you are comfortable with each other. Maybe your relationship has become more mature and strong, but it's never too late to add it to its former spice.
Imagine that he is not yours
They say that the price of a thing we know only when we lose it. But we will not take it to extremes. We just try to look at our man with different eyes. Turn on the watch and watch. Even if you are nearby, imagine that you are not nearby.
Watch how he makes tea, gets in the car or changes the batteries in the remote control. Go ahead and imagine that he makes tea for another woman. Here she is sitting, next to you, now he will come, kiss her, hug, and together they will watch their favorite movie.
Imagine that he will not call after work after you, you will not go shopping together on Sunday, he will not warm your half of the bed while you are in the shower. Presented? So, what is next?
Surely you have already begun to be jealous. Agree, you would not want to lose him.
How to fall in love with her husband again
"I fell in love with you for ..."
Once you loved him, once he was a knight, a king, a hero to you! How did he do it? What was there in him that made you fall into his arms and say “Yes” to him? Write a list of 100 items, listing the qualities that you liked about it. Choose 5 from this list and think about where they went. You used to like his determination, what happened to her now?
Maybe he has no room to show it? Think about how you can help him? For example, take less responsibility on yourself, ask him for help. Do the same with the remaining four qualities. If desired, you can take the remaining 95.
Why is this happening?
The situation is as old as the world when, after several years of relationship, a woman begins to look for ways to make her husband fall in love again. Before reading the advice of a psychologist, understand the reasons. At what point did the boundary between the gorgeous beauty and the home resident erase, and one word appeared: wife? Men often feel the same way: recently he was a knight, she looked with a languid look and stroked his biceps, and now she asks to buy potatoes for dinner, but she does not even meet at the threshold. How, in this case, fall in love with your wife again?
Psychologist's advice will help both partners.
He is submissive, she is defeated. Both said “Yes!” To the registry office. Or they didn’t speak, but simply began to live together. Relaxation from the realization of the achieved goal devalues the very fact of the relationship. There is no need to pay attention to your image anymore, clothes are unimportant. Women and men cease to monitor themselves and become uninteresting.
People who are ready to start a life together have certain ideas about family life. Each has a social role: the earner, the keeper of the hearth, the defender. Not always represent the same. For example, a man expects his wife to cook a variety of homemade dishes, and a woman does not know how to cook. She doesn’t want to study, because she believes that she is “not a cook, you can buy ready-made”. The husband begins to cook from hopelessness himself, but dissatisfaction with the situation is growing. A wife from a fatal covetous beloved turns into uncomfortable, unpleasant, unnecessary.
The first months, the intimate life seems diverse: partners only know each other, do not yet know what to expect. Poses, habits, features seem new, non-standard. Over time, sex becomes monotonous: something is forgotten, two or three poses remain, attention to detail is lost. The result - disappointments from the predictability of the partner and loss of interest.
Birth of a child
When a person comes into the world, he checks the strength of relationships in any family. All the care, love that parents are capable of is directed to the newborn. Young parents forget about each other, stop noticing anything but the baby. Sleepless nights and fatigue leave no chance for a relationship to remain vibrant, juicy and emotional.
These are the most common situations. All of them lead to cooling interest between spouses. It seems that this process can no longer be stopped, and the former attraction cannot be returned. In fact, the advice of a psychologist on how to fall in love with a husband or wife anew is simple. And those families where both partners are ready to change have a chance.
Why does love pass
Feelings are subtle matter. If the young lady does not feel love for the second half, but wants to return it, then it is necessary to understand the reasons for the disappearance of attraction. What can cause hostility to a spouse:
- regular high-profile scandals, grievances and quarrels,
- negative changes in appearance and bad habits,
- tense relationships with his relatives,
- the constant absence of her husband at home,
- cardinal difference of interests,
- falling in love with another person.
If another man became the cause of the alienation, then returning feelings to the chosen one will not be easy. In other cases, a little work on yourself. The main thing is to awaken a sincere desire to save a family and arouse a love affair.
Reference point for the return of love
The family comes to the understanding that it is time to return feelings if:
- love has become a habit
- there was a fact of treason
- it came to a divorce.
Each situation dictates its own way out. If with a strong desire to save a family it is difficult to find a way out, contact a psychologist. Hypnologist psychologists such as Nikita Valeryevich Baturin use hypnotherapy and other methods. Specialists help to cope with family crises by working with a couple and with each partner individually.
Start with yourself
How to fall in love with her husband again? Engage in auto-training. Daily say in front of the mirror that you are beautiful and attractive, you have a happy family and a caring, beloved and loving husband. Think about a person only in a positive way.
How to fall in love with your husband again: the advice of a psychologist
The first steps that a woman must take to restore the former brightness of feelings can conditionally be divided into three categories:
- caring for him
- family care.
Recall that it was especially pleasant in the first months from the beginning of a close relationship. Think about what is missing now, is it possible to return it.
Take care of yourself
The husband met you with a well-groomed bright beautiful woman. Even if in the end I fell in love with the inner world, the first impression of appearance on the day I met him was forever with him. Scrolling through years ago is impossible, and not necessary. Become the best version of yourself now. Hair, makeup, new clothes - everything should be to the face and shape. Emphasize your merits, let the husband renew your image in his head.
Warnings: Do not get carried away with the image change. A husband can react negatively or with surprise alone to a sharp transition to a new hairstyle or style. The image should ideally suit you, and not be copied from the cover of the magazine.
Cunning: if you are not ready to change dramatically, add new notes. The husband may not react and will not be surprised out loud. But the changes will definitely be deposited in his subconscious. In any case, from now on, a well-groomed beautiful woman will be near him, which will increase his self-esteem and significance.
Accept his love
Having cooled to her husband, the woman begins to move away and close. This is a sure way to the loss of mutual understanding and the destruction of marriage ties. How to love a husband who loves you? Reciprocate his courtship. Think about how pleasant it is to be a loved, caring woman who regularly receives attention and gifts. Not every young lady has such happiness, therefore, it is necessary to hold on tightly to a loving spouse. Allow yourself to love and be grateful for the gentleman's ability to endure your far from angelic character.
Do not be afraid of experiments
How to love a husband again? Try to spend more time together: instead of a Sunday dinner with your parents, go on a weekend out of town, visit interesting exhibitions together, go to the movies or just stroll around the city. Do not be afraid to change the standard schedule - collapsing relationships of all kinds will only benefit from experiments.
More physical contact
How to love a person anew? Try to make bodily contact with your husband more often. Forget about scheduled sex, hug more often, hold hands, gently touch your spouse, kiss him. Touching promotes the production of a hormone of happiness that enhances a sense of connection.
Is it possible to love a person again? If the desire to return love is sincere, then no obstacles can be considered significant.
Both partners are always to blame for the cooling of feelings. Resentment, inattention, selfishness and other unpleasant phenomena are constantly found in married life. What can I do to make my wife love her husband again? A man should take care of his beloved, give her maximum attention, organize romantic evenings for her beloved. Do not put pressure on a woman. Seeing the efforts of the second half, she will reconsider her attitude to her lawful spouse and will not think about how to fall in love with a guy who is ready to turn the mountains for family happiness. The decision will come from the heart.
If the barrier is love for another
A woman who is bored in marriage can be inflamed with a passion for an outsider. She is attracted by novelty, a storm of emotions, the initial brightness of relationships and meetings furtively. Sometimes a simple passion can develop into a real feeling. What if it’s impossible to leave the family for a lover?
Relations on the side will have to be decisively broken, if a woman does not plan to seriously connect fate with her new lover. However, most often even such radical measures do not guarantee that strong feelings for a lover will disappear without a trace. Rather, on the contrary, hostility to her husband will only increase.
Live in harmony with yourself and make only those decisions that lead to a happy life!
Do not take litter out of the hut
We are used to telling girlfriends about all the ups and downs in relationships. But relations are changing, and the opinion of friends is more difficult to change. Therefore, if for a long time he was in their eyes boring, boring and bored, then you will not be able to quickly make him the perfect man again.
It would seem that no and no need! But even if something changes for the better, they will constantly remind you of how it used to be. This will pull you back. Therefore, tell only good things about him. See what effect this will have on them, and on you and, most surprisingly, on your husband!
Focus on its merits
Make such a decision for yourself. If you doubt that you will remember this, then at the end of each day write down your “revelations” in a notebook. Find at least five reasons to praise or admire your spouse. And if you have something to praise him, do it. Maybe he has not heard such words from you for a long time?
Play a stranger
Imagine that you are not you. You do not know your husband at all. Come to meet him while he is in the supermarket. Or vote on the road, ask for a ride. Ask him questions about him. Tell about yourself, as people who part after a few kilometers do. Or maybe your acquaintance will even grow into something more? His wife, after all, would not mind?
But remember that in this game you should look like a stranger: alien, mysterious. You should not be dressed as usual. You should not speak as you usually list to him by phone what to buy. Play.
1. Re-learn it
During your married life you have various hobbies (you no longer break down in the evening just drive a car, do not go to clubs or stadium concerts). Now his hobby was a car (football, poker, bike rides, exercise machine), and you like knitting, embroidering, planting indoor flowers or going to yoga.
Work on yourself and try to reposition:
- read about his favorite activities to find new topics for conversation,
- unobtrusively introduce your husband what is important to you,
- Offer to do something in common (it can be tourism, photography or general learning a new language) - it is important that both of you are interested.
Such efforts will not be in vain. Joint hobbies will bring you closer and open up new facets in your life partner.
2. Imagine that he is with someone else
Over time, women begin to compare their husband with other men. Husbands of friends always seem more caring, successful and beautiful. But imagine for a moment that he is no longer around, that he is now married to one of your friends and will no longer make you morning coffee or kiss before bedtime.
Another important point! Look at your man through the eyes of other women. Perhaps you have already mentally begun to be jealous of him. No wonder they say that we begin to appreciate only when we lose.
3. Praise as an incentive
Make a decision for yourself every day to praise your spouse, notice his merits and constantly tell your husband how you love him (even if now it seems to you that this is not so). You can thank and note the positive qualities of the husband even for the most insignificant actions:
- domestic help
- brought home a salary
- time spent with children
- quickly found a solution to a problem,
- how strong and brave he is
- elementary attention and care for you.
Over time, simply spoken aloud, meaningless words will reach the head, and then to the heart. You will understand that there are more virtues in your man than flaws.
Remember!Most men love to be valued and praised. And praise will surely prompt your fiancé to even greater “feats”. Therefore, we stop criticizing and begin to admire!
4. Why did you love?
Try to remember what exactly the future husband conquered you. Take a pen with a piece of paper and write at least 20 of its qualities that you like (or liked) in it.
Highlight some of the most important advantages and you will understand that they have not disappeared. You just ceased to notice them and take everything for granted.
5. Look at yourself with his eyes
Imagine yourself in the place of a spouse. Of course, since the time you met, both of you have changed, but he still loves you with all the shortcomings? So why are you not trying to change your attitude towards your husband?
Perhaps you also have a lot of sins that urgently need to be fixed:
- Change your behavior, become easier, flirty, gentle, smile more.
- Do not wear shapeless, faded clothes, more often use perfume and cosmetics, buy a brand new set of sexy lingerie.
- Evaluate the number of problems that he solves every day, all the actions that he performs on his own. Do not be indifferent to this.
- Stop complaining about life, low salaries or bad weather. You can solve problems together.
- Try to at least briefly become your husband an interlocutor who can cheer up and distract from problems.
After a while, you will be convinced that all your efforts, as if in a mirror, will be displayed on your spouse, and your feelings will resume with renewed vigor.
6. Do not accumulate resentment
To love her husband again, you need to reconsider your attitude to him.You need to learn how not to notice minor flaws, let go of old grievances and make a habit of openly talking about everything with your chosen one. In this case, you should express your emotions calmly, without screaming and reproaching.
If silently harbor irritation and discontent, this will only lead to a separation and a final breakdown in relations.
Important!When you don’t like something, it’s better to tell your husband softly about it. Perhaps he himself did not notice any shortcomings, but, having talked with you, he will gladly listen to all the advice.
Since to interest the husband again, on the advice of a psychologist, means to return something from the past, you need to refresh bright moments in memory. Think about what is pleasant and sweet that you recall from the time when you just started dating. Funny and romantic moments that only the two of you remember. Unobtrusively suggest that your husband review photos of that period or your favorite movie that you kissed on. Memories will come across thoughts of how feelings have changed since then. Recognizing the problem on his part, and not just yours, is the direct path to success.
Warnings: Do not be annoying, do not speak directly, why did you dig out a folder with photos of the day of acquaintance in the bowels of the hard disk. Just remember.
Tricks: during memories, you can approach your beloved husband, hug him, stroke his head, sit on his lap. Add tactile sensations to visual and auditory memories.
A few hours for two
Arrange a romantic meeting in private. Let a friend, mother or nanny sit with the children, the phones will be disconnected, and no one will interfere. Talk about everything in the world. Touch the strings of his soul: perhaps you just did not have enough time to talk, so the feelings were dulled.
Warnings: Follow the conversation topics. Do not let diapers, food, dog health, or plans to go to mom get into it. You better talk about something that was interesting to you at the beginning of the relationship.
Tricks: It’s better if there isn’t any equipment nearby - no phones, no televisions, no loud music. Pay attention to each other, do not let surrounding things distract you.
7. Heart-to-heart talk
Let your spouse become your friend for at least a day. Not an assistant in solving problems, not a life partner, but a person with whom you can talk about everything and share some little secrets.
Spend an evening of memories during which:
- start a conversation about your childhood, elementary classes, about your first friends and fans (at the same time, do not forget to listen to your spouse's memories),
- look at old photos, laugh with fanciful hairstyles and fashion,
- Download your long-forgotten favorite movie, find common moments that both like.
In such warm, sincere conversations, people always find a lot in common. And at the end of the evening, you will realize that you have become much dearer and closer.
8. Do what you never did
Do something extreme, extraordinary together, something that will bring both of you out of your comfort zone. This can be a balloon ride, a visit to a quest room, go-karting, diving, surfing or a parachute jump.
Emotional shaking and a common cause will bring you closer and awaken sleeping feelings.
9. Remember the youth
Do you remember the carefree first dates or the first months of married life? How did you meet? Where did you go for a walk? What did you feel for each other at those moments?
Remind yourself and your husband how you felt good together:
- Invite your life partner to a romantic date, where you will be alone. At the same time, do not talk about work, raising children or about a trip to the country. Try to relax and just have some fun.
- Hint to your spouse about wanting to date as often as possible.
- On weekdays, do not forget about small amenities: prepare pancakes (omelettes) in the form of a heart, wake your husband with a kiss, often write meaningless love messages.
- Sign it with a cute funny nickname on your phone.
Soon, your man will also join this game. And it would not be bad if in the future such behavior became your habit or a peculiar way of life.
Unexpected SMS messages to your loved one will also help shake up your relationship.
10. Play Strangers
Play this game:
- Make an appointment over the phone in an unfamiliar place for both of you. Hint to him that it will be a date.
- Make an unusual hairstyle for yourself and pick up an extraordinary outfit.
- When meeting, invite to meet. In this case, you do not need to invent fictitious names, facts. Enough to embellish everything a bit (for example, if your name is Lena, call yourself Helen).
The meaning of such a game is to re-know each other, to emphasize some little things that have long been forgotten:
- remind the name of your favorite colors,
- tell without hesitation what you like in bed,
- find out from your husband his favorite dish or movie,
- find out what excites him.
Such a meeting will give your marriage a new benchmark, which you did not agree on specifically.
I advise you to watch a video from the practical psychologist Nadezhda Meyer on how to surprise a man. She will give you step-by-step instructions with a description of actions that will help surprise your spouse and add a touch of intrigue to your relationship.
Why is love gone?
How to love a husband again when his actions or mere presence causes discontent and irritation? Psychologists believe that initially it’s worth understanding the situation, catching yourself on a thought that awakens your negative attitude towards your spouse.
The most common reasons that cooled feelings are:
- Appearance. Perhaps you no longer like how your chosen one looks (annoying beer belly, weekly unshaven or a stretched old sweater). In this case, gently help her husband to change something in appearance. Give him a nice gift that will refresh the relationship. This can be a monthly gym membership, a stylish jumper or a new razor with nozzles, a joint trip to the barbershop, etc. It all depends on what exactly does not suit you.
- Sex. Full of the night’s passions, from which it blew one’s head, passionate kisses and affection, awakening butterflies in the stomach, fireworks of emotions in the morning ... It seems to you that this will never be returned (at least with this person). But this is not true! Every couple at least once in a lifetime experiences “stagnation” in their intimate life. It cannot be all new and unusual for five or ten years. Even the most skilled visionaries begin to be lazy and repeat over time. Your task is to prevent yourself and your spouse from finally cooling off to each other. Watch an erotic movie together, add spice to your relationship, learn some new poses. Try to surprise your husband so that he also wants to take a couple of steps towards.
- Lack of romance. If the reason is that your husband no longer seems to you a romantic, ready for anything for you, try to remind him of this yourself. So you will not only hint to a man about how important it is sometimes to get out of the routine, but you yourself will be distracted from bad thoughts. Make up any romantic date. The day of the millionth kiss or the day he first gave you flowers or linen. It can be anything, the main thing is to create an exciting atmosphere of warmth and love.
- The goals in life have become different. It seems to you that you want different things from life, that he no longer supports your aspirations, or vice versa, he does not aspire to anything. If before you seemed to be looking one way, now everyone lives on their own. In such a situation, it is important to find a compromise. With the help of female cunning, try to convince your spouse that it is not you who wants something from him, but he himself made such a decision. And in the future, be sure to support and praise all his undertakings.
Of course, such a process of returning former feelings and relationships is not fast, but very productive. No wonder they say that behind all strong men are wise women.
Important!It happens that in the heart of a woman there is a long-standing resentment against her husband. In such cases, only a frank conversation will help, which will make it clear: can you forgive your spouse or not.
Answers on questions
“How to restore freshness of feelings if my husband and I are constantly together, at work and at home, but there is no time for romance?”
Take a short time out and go on a short vacation without a husband. If circumstances allow, leave the children with a spouse, and for company call friends or mom.
In the case when the husband does not have free time to monitor the children, take them with you and arrange an exciting trip. The main thing in this “day off” is to get bored one after another, to understand how dear a man is to you and, of course, to throw off all the emotional negativity that has depressed you for a long time.
Arriving home, try not to return to the old grievances and reproaches. Change your attitude towards your family and your loved one.
“I’ve been married for 15 years, I often began to catch myself thinking that I’m bored ... I don’t want to return home, spend evenings with my family. Everything became so monotonous, no holiday. How to return former feelings to the husband? "
There is such a secret in psychology, if you really want to get something, then just imagine that you already have it. In your case, you just need to go back 15 years and create the right attitude, it is he who attracts the desired. Play love, hug your husband as you did before, prepare a romantic dinner, remember your first kiss. Understand, sometimes the subconscious mind just needs a “push”, and old feelings flare up with renewed vigor.
"How to love my husband again if my mother and all my friends constantly say that he doesn’t suit me and that there should be another person nearby?"
Stop telling your environment about all the troubles with your husband. As they say "do not take dirty linen out of the hut."
Try to praise your spouse more often with friends, girlfriends, parents, and perhaps their opinion will change over time. Convince everyone that your chosen one is the best, and everything in him suits you.
Praise each other
Do not take work for the good of the family. Try to look at the cooked dinner, the washed curtains, communication with the child with gratitude. Say thank you to each other at least 10 times a day. Praise for all matters for the home and family.
Warning: do it exceptionally sincere. To do this, try to appreciate all the good deeds of your beloved partner. Watch the reaction.
Tricks: words of gratitude and praise can be spoken not only aloud. Connect imagination: write thanks in a note, thank you in SMS, tell us about how lucky you are with your soulmate, on a page in social networks. It will be especially nice.
Fight everyday life
There are many ways to fight: small surprises, unusual actions, funny clothing items and funny little things - all this will inflame your feelings, add a little peppercorn to everyday life and set you in a positive mood. You can even go somewhere together, for example, for a week on a hike. Or leave for a week at different addresses to get bored.
Warning: if the husband does not respond to your attempts and does not get bored when you are far away - this can be an alarming bell. Try to penetrate deeper into his personality. You can find out how to better understand the emotions and moods of loved ones on the channel of the psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valeryevich Baturin.
Tricks: be interested in the partner’s hobbies, his thoughts and plans. So it will be easier to come up with surprises or accidentally help in a difficult situation. Aware - means armed.
Look at him in a new way.
Perhaps, over the years of communication, your husband has become commonplace for you. But he is also a man with his thoughts, plans, ideas and beliefs. What do you know about it now? God forbid, if the name of his favorite dish, and what kind of cheese he prefers to buy. Digging deeper, you can remember why you once loved him: hobbies, aspirations, favorite films and books.
Spend more time for your spouse. Get interested in his work, relationships with colleagues, friends and relatives. Ask questions. When you become really interested in everything that he does, the question of how to fall in love with your husband will disappear again, and the advice of a psychologist will not be needed. Interest and mutual respect are the basic components of a healthy, strong family.
20 signs that you have the best husband
Take a piece of paper, a pen, and put together a list of twenty qualities for which your husband is truly the best. Among the advice of a psychologist on the topic of how to fall in love with her husband again, this one of the most effective. If forgotten, you can always re-read. 20 - this is not the limit, with the return of a sense of love, complete the list.
Family is a union based on love. No one forced you to come together, build a life together and give birth to children: this is your personal choice. Respect him. Do not forget about love. It is advisable to do this from the first days of the meeting, since the advice of a psychologist does not always help to love a husband again later. If you do not want to return family happiness, not a single specialist will help.
How to fall in love with her husband again and save the family? Psychologist’s advice is simple, it’s interesting to carry them out. They not only fuel fading emotions, but also generally make everyday life more diverse and amazing. We ourselves create the mood and the environment. A positive look, the transformation of negative emotions into neutral ones, plans, ideas, projects and, of course, love are the main driving forces that give meaning to life.