Hello dear readers! The feeling of loneliness and uselessness is a rather sharp and complex experience, with which a person does not always find the strength and resources to cope. Which leads to depression and sometimes even suicide. A person constantly, even just in the background, feels dissatisfaction with life. From what he is ready to "rush" into any relationship, even destructive, if only to get rid of the unbearable torment that entails the feeling that no one in this world cares about him. And today we look at why this is happening. And also learn how to cope with this condition.
Causes of occurrence
When a child is born, a very important process occurs - the formation of a basic trust in the world. That is, if an adult who cares about him disappears for a while, it is important for him to know that he will definitely return. Therefore, children cry when they are alone. They call the one on whom their life depends in a given period, who satisfies their basic needs.
And if the baby does not have the knowledge that somewhere there is Another, which is currently absent, but he is in his life, then in the future he will have few resources and abilities to cope with the feeling of loneliness. He will strive to avoid him in every possible way. Although, in fact, we are all in fact lonely, and it is important for us to be able to deal with ourselves. Otherwise, it is impossible to build a full-fledged contact with others that will bring joy, peace and satisfaction, satiation.
The reasons for the formation of mistrust can be completely different. Sometimes an adult is simply not able to recognize and satisfy the needs of the child. Although in fact he sincerely loves him and is trying to do it. A traumatic event may make itself felt, for example, my mother did not come for a long time to calm her down. Then anxiety appears, and suddenly it will again be uncomfortable, and mother will not appear, as last time? Even in spite of the fact that she arrives in time for each subsequent call, this alarm will remain background and will make itself felt.
Difficulties can also begin if the person’s history has had an experience of rejection with which he could not cope. Especially, during a crisis, for example, teenage. When the need for recognition among peers comes to the fore, there is a desire to please the opposite sex.
With a sense of uselessness, a person is tempted to enter into a relationship, not really looking closely at what he really is, this other one. Just to grab it and feel that now is not alone. What kind of, someone needs. And what is now not so scary, together you can stand against the whole world. And precisely for this reason, then disappointment comes, from which loneliness is lived even more sharply. Because there seems to be someone with whom you can feel intimacy, but it is still impossible, inaccessible. And a person is already, say, married, who never brought happiness.
It is clear that it is very difficult, but still, give yourself the opportunity to know another better. Not being charmed, and not comforting yourself with the illusions that if it’s bad now, then the moment will surely come, and the person will recover, be aware of the mistakes, and how you will heal everyone's envy. Everyone has shortcomings, and you should not ignore them, just listen to yourself, are you ready to accept them or not.
If you are inclined to distrust people, then “slow down” yourself at the moment of suspicion. If on the contrary, ask at least a couple of questions for understanding why it was decided that this person would justify your trust.
In psychology, there is such a thing as addiction. This is when a person is not able to satisfy his needs without obsessive activity. It can be either chemical, that is, drug addiction, alcoholism, or non-chemical, for example, shopaholism, overeating, dependence on relationships, pornography and so on.
In fact, this is a substitution, that is, a person has at least something stable in life that he can rely on. Even if it's just alcohol or a cigarette. This is something that is close in stressful and tense moments.
So, if you have at least some bad habit, try to "deal" with it. So you will not only become physically healthier if the addiction was chemical. But refusing it will provoke you to go in search of a more useful way to relax, calm and more. Suppose, if you go in for sports, you will become more active, happy, fit and healthy. And who knows, maybe in training you will meet exactly the one next to whom you will forget about your uselessness.
You will find recommendations on how to stop smoking here, and here on how to end up with computer games.
If you are not comfortable with yourself, then why will the other person want to be alone with you? And in some cases, and still live life together, have children and lead a life? Just because you are such in the world is not an argument, right? Unconditional love happens only from parents, and that, not always. Others will treat you the way you allow them. And if you respect your personality, you will never let it cross your borders. Accordingly, people who do not reckon with you or value you will not be present in your life.
So, first of all, start working on self-worth. And how to love yourself, you will learn by clicking on this link.
Look back, pause. But are you really so alone and nobody needs you, as you think? There is such a thing as tunnel consciousness. This is when a person is so fixated on something that his vision seems to be narrowing. And he is able to notice only what interests him at the moment. Therefore, if you feel pain that no one in this world cares about you, do the following exercise. Write a list of 5 people who show the slightest sympathy for you. And next to each of them indicate at least 3 situations in which this was manifested.
Perhaps you simply depreciate, or you don’t notice that others are sincere with you, but you just do not let them closer? Or just scare your desire to "stick" into another, "emotionally merge" with him? Even in the family, such behavior is met and terrifying. Not every person is ready to withstand a psychological merger, even with a beloved and valuable partner. Violations of his freedom and at least some independence can be repelled.
So, before you get upset and hurt yourself, remember, maybe there are people you care about, but you just don’t have enough of what they can give you?
Make a list of things you can do when no one bothers
They say that an evening alone with oneself in an empty apartment is for some loneliness, and for others - freedom. Take the opportunity to take time for yourself.
Psychologists give useful advice: compile lists of tasks that can be done in advance. After all, a frustrated person, oppressed by a sense of uselessness, is hardly capable of creativity. Get a pre-prepared list and create!
What can be included in the list? First of all, what you have long dreamed about. Go horseback riding, swim with dolphins, settle in the park to observe the work of street artists. Or maybe there are things you have always been embarrassed to do? Maybe you wanted to attend a meeting of Buddhists or go to visit a lonely old neighbor? Do whatever. If only it distracted from dull thoughts.
Imagine a lot of people dream of the opportunity to do something for themselves, but the lack of time and family obligations do not allow this.
Listen to audio books
A great way to streamline your thoughts is to read or listen to good stories. This will not only help enrich knowledge, but also make you feel connected with the world.
The pleasant voice of the announcer will surely stir up emotions in your soul and make you breathe calmer. Or maybe you can look at your own life situation from a different angle.
Try to volunteer
The instinct of altruism is one of the main ones. It is characteristic of every mentally healthy person. The need to do good deeds is inherent in each of us, but sometimes it can be difficult to figure out how to realize this noble aspiration.
Try contacting a volunteer organization. Find out who needs your help. Helping, we feel our own importance more sharply, we understand that we can influence the situation. How weak can one save others?
Some are embarrassed by this practice, saying that they themselves have nothing. But this is not so, if we are talking about a man languishing from loneliness. Share what you have in abundance - your free time and unspent kindness. Believe me, for someone this can be a salvation from great troubles.
Volunteer work does not always mean dedicated trips to hot spots and slums of poor countries. Someone should also see lonely old people and walk shelter dogs. Remember: little kindness does not happen. Your contribution will still be significant and will certainly bring positive emotions.
Creativity is a wonderful cure for spleen. And creating in private is much more pleasant than in the midst of noise and din. Think about how many advantages you have over someone who cannot find the opportunity to retire.
Any creative activity can help: writing poetry, drawing, ceramics, sculpture, poetry, singing. When we create, we start with empty space, empty page, untouched canvas. We gradually fill the void, replace it. Think about it. Indeed, in the life of a lonely person, everything can happen according to the same scenario. Just fill your void with new, bright, unusual and joyful.
Have you ever tried to meditate? It is not as difficult as it seems, and it can really help you if you are single.
Sit calmly and reflect on what sensations appear in the body. Try to streamline your thoughts, stop the fuss. Try to understand where annoying longing lives in your body. Take a breath and channel all the comforting and supportive energy into that area.
Just as listening to stories will connect you with the emotions of others, this exercise will help you feel yourself. Harmony with yourself is important to everyone. It is especially valuable to find a balance for those who are lonely and upset.
If you like to meditate, most likely, over time, you will feel the need to communicate with like-minded people and gain new knowledge. Be sure to find a club in your city where you can learn more about your favorite spiritual practices.
Isolation and inaction are best friends for depression. Want to aggravate your own condition as quickly as possible? Stay home and stop moving.
But if you are set to the opposite result, get up immediately from the couch! An excellent solution will be the gym, where you can not only put in order a figure, but also make new acquaintances. Running through a park or stadium is also a great idea. But tune in to the fact that once is not enough. Get ready to exercise regularly.
Exercising will distract from sad thoughts, help establish a sleep pattern (after all, it is known that dejected sufferers often wrinkle from insomnia). This is also a great way to tighten your figure.
By the way, the beginning of training is an occasion to buy a new thing.
Head to the courses
A busy person has no time to indulge in despondency. Use the excess time to learn something new.
It could be something for the soul: for example, a dance class or scrapbooking classes. Or maybe your plans include improving your material condition? Why not get a useful skill that will help you find additional work? Sign up for a course on budgeting or cutting and sewing. Get a driver license in the end!
They say that the happiest people are those who managed to make a hobby a source of income. Find something you like that has always attracted you. Learn to do the best thing! Suddenly it can help you quit a boring job? Then you will definitely have no time to be sad.
A thing that you like will help not only to realize talents, to take lonely evenings, but also to find like-minded people. Communication with those who have the same interests as yours can be a source of new knowledge and inspiration. Through fellow students you will be able to receive information about relevant events: exhibitions, master classes, festivals. Do not try to skip! Make new friends, spend time with benefit, and develop as a professional.
Call someone you like chatting with
In our age, almost everyone has phones. But, according to the researchers, people write more often than they call.
You probably have a person who is always ready to support. In the direction of the social network, dial the number! A lively voice is much nicer than printed letters.
Pour out your soul, make plans, gossip, talk about nonsense - it doesn’t matter. The main thing is that at a difficult moment you are not deprived of live communication.
See a doctor
In Europe and the USA it is not considered shameful in difficult times to use the services of a specialist. And in our, unfortunately, old stereotypes are alive that a psychologist is needed only not quite normal.
Nonsense. If you understand that you are not coping with longing, let a professional help you. Visit a psychologist.
Nothing is eternal
Yes, hard times too. Happiness must have been waiting for you. And your man is already looking for you around the world.
Loneliness cannot be eternal. Treat him as something temporary and fleeting.
In the meantime ... Realize your own dreams, play sports, create, study and do good deeds.
Interests and hobbies
Explore, and what pleases you in this life? And when you do not know what to do, start this lesson. A hobby is the best way to relieve tension, relax and feel satisfaction. Yes, and others you will become more interesting. There will be new friends who share your hobbies. So, at least occasionally you can feel the proximity and presence of another person in your life. His participation and interest.
And for today, dear readers! Loneliness causes difficult feelings, and if you understand that you are not able to cope with them on your own, seek help. Let to relatives, friends, experts. The main thing is not to isolate yourself, and be attentive to your condition.
I also recommend that you take a test of your ability to overcome difficulties.
I wish you happiness and health!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, a gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina.