Addiction is a scourge of society, many are wondering what to do if the husband is an addict? The problems that the wife can solve are independent of the factor why the man took up drugs - psychologists will do this. If a man refuses to be treated for drug addiction, it is almost impossible to help.
Husband addict - what to do?
If the husband is an addict, the wife seeks to help, the spouse does not agree to treatment - go away. Some wives find this option unacceptable, but this is the best way out of this situation. A man does not want to be treated - help cannot be forcibly. Wish the man good luck, pray for health, but show that you intend to leave the inadequate drug addict.
Daily care of her husband leads to the fact that he continues to use. Why overcome, be treated, if a woman pays for utilities, food? The need to pay on their own, loneliness - this will make a man turn to doctors for help.
If the husband became a drug addict - is the family over?
The breakup of marriage in drug addiction is likely, but not necessary. It is necessary to leave the addict husband, but when you part, inform that you will return when the addict is cured. Why should children watch how a husband, drug addict, uses drugs, gradually degrades? Mother's duty is to save the younger generation from a bad example, constant scandals, physical danger.
It is unsafe for a woman near a drug addict to really become a drug victim. Female drug addiction is treated more difficult (there is an opinion in society, then female drug addicts are incurable). The danger to the family is the increased aggressiveness of the addict. At the time of intoxication, withdrawal, it is uncontrollable, dangerous in physical terms. Many everyday crimes happen on the basis of drug addiction. If a woman doesn’t babysit a drug addict husband, clearly makes demands on the need for treatment, strengthens the firmness of intentions with actions - a man has more chances to wake up from the burning, to save his family.
How to deal with spouse addiction
If the husband is an addict using drugs, the spouse must give up what they consider to be help. Stop scolding, coaxing, shaming, crying, persuading, scaring. Learn to separate your beloved spouse from the disease. Stop taking responsibility for the fate of an adult man, do not patronize the addict - if you feel lonely, unnecessary, he will be saved.
If the wife sends the spouse for compulsory treatment, it is useless. He is treated for his wife, without motivation. Money turns out to be thrown out, a relapse soon occurs, the husband who has discharged from the clinic, again rolls into drug addiction. A woman should stop blaming herself for the disease. There is part of the female guilt, but the lion's share of responsibility lies with the man.
- Disputes with a drug addict are a waste of time and nerves.
- Stop financing a man.
- Drive creditors demanding repayment of men's debts.
- Engage in children, work, think less about your husband.
- Physically move away from your husband, wait for him to return healthy.
Remember, dangerously is near a drug addict. When a man is cured, you can optionally live together.
Relatives of addicts need psychological support. Help really get from competent psychologists. To open the trouble to someone who has experienced the same type of problem is tremendous support. Help can be found in specialized support groups at various drug treatment centers. Usually classes with wives, other relatives of drug addicts are held in a group. To find out how others have overcome a terrible misfortune is a great relief, restoring faith, giving free rein to struggle.
Practicing psychologists will teach the rules of conduct with the Commissar. The recommendations will be useful in further family life, to alleviate the psychological stress of a woman. The addict's psyche is unstable, the prevention of scandals, misunderstandings in the family will help form a motivation for further treatment.
Who will show the way out of the situation
When a husband became a drug addict, this is a blow for a loving wife. At such a moment, the woman is upset, pondering what to do. If in doubt what to do with a drug addict husband, get a consultation from a specialist in a drug clinic. There are many websites on the Internet where you can contact specialists. They will support, give professional advice.
We recommend contacting drug treatment clinics, centers that have established themselves and have an excellent reputation. One of these centers is Unity, located in Rostov-on-Don. Residents of other regions can apply for a free online consultation at the center.
10 family tips for helping a drug addict
How to help a drug addict. How should he begin treatment, how to behave with him? How to live on when a drug addict in the family? In 10 minutes of attentive reading, you will know what to do.
Family, friends, as a rule, really want to help the addict, but often the help takes the wrong form. Since there is no proper understanding of their actions, what is the help?
For a family, an addict is a huge burden, since all relatives are faced with the severity of the consequences of drug addiction. Shame, guilt, fears, anxieties, anger and disappointment are daily feelings of family members concerned that their favorite son / daughter are drug addicts. The whole family is constantly controversial with conflicting feelings: anger or anger are replaced by pity, love and a desire to help. Therefore, consider some tips on what you can do.
How to help an addict, where to start
Find out all the facts about drug addiction, a specific type of drug used by a teenager.
Addiction thrives in ignorance. Only when you understand the signs, consequences, characteristics and dynamics of the development of drug addiction, you can learn more effectively, respond to its symptoms. Understanding that drug addiction is a disease, relatives will treat the drug addict as a seriously ill patient, and not as a “finished person”.
When the understanding comes that the problem is not with the parents: whether they are bad or good, poor / rich, then it is easier to fight the addiction of a teenager. This understanding will help to overcome shame, guilt for the family. Therefore, it is important to consult with specialists, with recovering former drug addicts.
This will help you to avoid loneliness in the fight against child drug addiction and also inspire confidence that this fight can be defeated. Hearing the stories of others, seeing convalescing, you get an additional incentive to fight without losing heart.
Refrain from providing financial support to the addict.
An addict always needs money, so he is looking for financial support, which can be provided in various ways. For example, it can offer its services: go for groceries, pay utility bills, or invent another reason to get money in hand, which it then spends on the drug.
Sometimes such an absurdity is noticed - a compassionate mother gives money to her son a drug addict, since it is a pity to look at the torment of a child when breaking. It is painful for the mother to look at suffering, therefore she gives money for the next dose. Such a "calf service" only prolongs the effects of drug addiction with subsequent death.
Many drug addicts agreed to drug treatment because they could not find the money to buy the next dose. Consequently, they experienced withdrawal symptoms, after which they sought help.
Do not hesitate with the treatment.
Once you are sure that your son or daughter is abusing drugs, you need to start treatment as soon as possible. The sooner they get help, the greater the likelihood of a full recovery. Having started treatment, a teenager is more likely to escape the fate of an addict.
If you find signs of drug abuse in your child, remember that there is help available. Rehabilitation centers offer specialized treatment programs and methods for the treatment of drug addiction and the fight against drug addiction.
Talk to the addict.
The fight against drug addiction of your loved ones is to provide them with professional medical care. Explain that you think drug addiction is a disease whose consequences affect its health and life. Use the right time, for example, when alone with him and free from distractions, when no one will interrupt your conversation. Try speaking without accusations or raising your voice.
Usually, when an addict is adequate, he responds better to your concern, compassion, than to screaming or anger. Talk about the specific consequences of drug addiction, what it will turn out for him, for all people close to him. If he is receptive to your words or questions, then ask him about his willingness to seek professional help. You can offer him to undergo such treatment anonymously.
It is important to remember that a drug addict can: 1) take a strictly defensive position, not wanting to touch on this topic. Then leave the conversation until the next time so as not to provoke a negative reaction. Instead, talk with loved ones, relatives about planning a coercive medical intervention. 2) drug addiction is not treated at home.
Compulsory drug addiction treatment.
When a drug addict does not respond to the care of family and friends to help him, then you should forcefully intervene.
What is an intervention? Intervention is a carefully planned process that is performed by family and friends, in consultation with a doctor. It sometimes includes members of the clergy, lawyers and other professionals who care about a person in the fight against drug addiction. Addicts often refuse to acknowledge their disastrous situation, therefore they refuse to seek medical help. Medical intervention allows family members to make a difference before it gets worse.
Intervention should take place in a place where the addict feels relatively safe or free. Do not try to block the doors or block the exit to the addict if he again refuses to undergo voluntary treatment. Before using coercive intervention, it is best to consult a narcologist or psychotherapist. The presence or consultation of this person can be very helpful, especially if the addicted teenager does not respond well to the help offered or becomes angry.
Explain to your drug addict son / daughter that you have gathered because you are concerned about his behavior and physical condition. Try, without threatening to explain your feelings, worries about him. Explain that you worry about his life and health, therefore you want to help him.
How to conduct a family with a drug addict
Do not try to understand the addict, or look for the guilty.
Addiction is a disease. Refrain from blaming yourself for all troubles. It’s easiest and easiest to make yourself guilty (overlooked, missed), but this is unlikely to help the addict. Finding the cause or the blame is a waste of time and effort. Typically, such a search ends with a focus on abstract goals. This "analysis paralysis" is a manipulation of drug addiction with the goal of distracting from an important issue - the disease itself, and therefore its treatment. therefore need to act!
Talk to your daughter or son. Listen carefully to what they say about the causes of drug use, drugs, or their feelings. This must be done even if the teenager is telling something painful to your hearing. Moreover, assure that you think how to help him recover from drug addiction.
Refrain from threatening, shaming, or lecturing.
Words only slightly affect the addict. Rather, "actions speak louder than words." Threats will not lead to recovery, on the contrary, they will only bring harm. This does not mean that it is wrong for family members to point out the consequences to the addict. They should try to open his eyes to the reality of the disease. However, starting to threaten, cry out for guilt or shame, they are unlikely to succeed. More likely, a teenager will continue to use drugs to escape reality.
Lectures on the dangers and consequences of drug addiction, appeals to conscience, it is impossible to give sufficient motivation for a teenager to break with drug addiction. If there was an effect, then there would be no such terrifying statistics on the number of drug addicts.
Avoid panic when you suspect that your child is a drug addict in the family.
Now time to take actionrather than panic. Therefore, it is important to talk to him about any changes you notice in his sleep or eating habits. Although young people may take a “defensive defense” stance, parents should even be required to intervene before chance experiments turn into addictions. Even when young people accuse adults of interfering in their personal space, this should not stop their parents from wanting to help the drug addict.
Avoid pity or anger.
Any anger towards a child cannot be long. Anger is usually replaced by mercy. The addict knows this well. First, parents are choking with anger, angry, threatening with consequences, and then backtracking on their decisions. Anger gives way to pity.
This is a restored general experience of all families suffering from drug addiction. therefore avoiding anger, avoid pity. Addiction is an infection whose roots must not be torn out by pity or anger, but primarily by medical intervention.
Do not let the addiction impose its conditions on you.
Addiction is an insidious, secretive enemy. It penetrates families, homes, lifestyles, or relationships in ways that can go unnoticed in the home for a while. When the disease progresses, the family may begin to respond incorrectly to its presence. For example, do not invite guests out of fear that the addict may embarrass them.
The family begins to lead a reclusive lifestyle, allowing the addiction to impose its own conditions, depriving itself of the strength to fight the drug addiction of a daughter or son. Remember: 1) together it is easier to defeat the enemy, and family members also need the encouragement that friends can provide them, 2) you can not control the addict all his life, but are able to control your own behavior.
When you consider the various options, tips on how to cure an addict tune in to a long, hard fight. Only patience, perseverance can you achieve results. A disease of drug addiction will zealously resist the efforts of the family to cure a patient with drug addiction. Various emotional manipulations will be involved in an attempt to make the family live, as before, without active treatment of the addict.
There will always be “grief helpers” who have teamed up with a drug addict or blaming the family for a lack of love for a drug addict. That they are not interested in the torment of a patient with drug addiction, therefore they are so cruel to him. Resisting the desire of relatives to help a drug addict is a difficult obstacle, but it must be overcome in order to help an addict.
How to behave and what you can’t do
The period when a woman finds out that her husband is a drug addict is very difficult for her. If she decided to stay with her husband, she herself needed help and support. Professional psychologists will tell her how to behave properly and what needs to be done to support her husband and convince him to undergo the necessary treatment. You should adhere to several rules in dealing with a drug addict husband:
- Take the disease as a fact, do not try to blame, scold her husband. Reproaches will aggravate a situation.Recognize that he needs your support.
- Try to understand your husband and find out what led to the problem.
- You should not talk about drug addiction to all relatives and friends, otherwise you can provoke a strong and unconstructive guilt in your spouse.
- Do not forget about taking care of yourself and children.
- Do not finance your husband, even if he says that you need money for something else.
- Despite the fact that the husband swears that he will stop taking the drug and that he should not consult a doctor, do not believe him!
Most successful recovery stories relate to rehabilitation at special centers. In any case, the help of a narcologist is necessary, especially if the husband takes salt. It should be clearly understood: addiction is a serious illness.
Psychologists advise talking more with her husband, talking about feelings and a desire to support. Do not be silent about the problem. Say that you are experiencing great discomfort from his illness, that you want to help cope with it in order to save the family. Of course, if the husband is a drug addict for a long time, he may not be aware of his actions and words, but there is a hope that the words of support said will be deposited in the subconscious and will help in the fight against addiction.
If a child grows up in a family, then you should remember: living with a drug addict can be dangerous for a baby. Do not leave them alone, let them communicate only under your supervision. A drug addict may behave inappropriately and not report actions. The most correct way out is to put your husband in a specialized rehabilitation center.
A few years ago I found out that my husband is a drug addict. We had a small child growing up. It all started after serious problems at work. I tried to talk with him, it turned out that with the help of a drug (he was taking amphetamine), he tried to escape from reality. Without him, he does not feel joy, does not want sex, does not want to live. The husband claimed that he could handle it himself. But he constantly broke down, promised, broke again.
Relations have stalled, lost my job, under the influence of drugs, cheated on me. In periods without a hair dryer (the slang name for amphetamine) became either aggressive or indifferent. I wanted to leave several times, but was afraid to leave him alone. Then he left for several days and ended up in narcology. From there he was sent to a good rehabilitation center, and only there they could help him. Now he constantly goes to the psychologist, remission for almost a year. I see in him a desire to return to a full life and try to support him.
If the husband is a former drug addict
It is not uncommon for a woman to know that in the past her husband is a former drug addict and is worried if he will again take prohibited substances. Here a lot depends on the psychological characteristics of a man: how much is he ready to change, how long has he been addicted? It matters what kind of drug he used. For example, many heroin addicts were able to return to a full life, while the percentage who quit using salt and spice is much lower.
If the husband gives no reason to suspect him of drug use, then you should control your suspiciousness and anxiety. Learn to trust each other.
Sometimes a man who stops using drugs becomes an alcoholic. This is a warning sign, one dependence is replaced by another. After some time, he may again return to the prohibited substances. Former drug addicts are also advised to undergo rehabilitation (disruption prevention), participate in self-help groups.
What to do
It is not easy for a woman to make a final decision in a situation where a loved one suffers from dependence and cannot get rid of it. On one side of the scale lies personal well-being (and the health of the child), on the other - the desire to help a loved one cope with drug addiction and return him to family life. Specialists often use the term co-dependence for the psychological characteristics of drug addict wives. A woman tries on the role of a "savior" of her husband, psychologically completely depends on his condition, constantly feels guilty.
Stay or leave
Psychologists advise not to focus on the problems of her husband. Give him some support, but don’t devote your whole life to getting him out of drug addiction. We list the factors that can significantly affect the fateful decision - to stay or file for divorce:
- Husband's consent to rehabilitation in a specialized center, willingness to go to a narcologist and psychotherapist.
- "Experience" of drug use, their variety. Dealing with addiction to herbal drugs is easier than using modern chemistry (if my husband uses salt).
- Willingness and ability of the husband to conduct a constructive dialogue, tell the truth, discuss problems.
If the spouse agrees to rehabilitation, is ready to regularly consult with a psychotherapist, agrees that he has an addiction and wants to get rid of it, then, of course, it is worth fighting for his family. However, do not take too much responsibility: you do not need to pull him out of all the troubles, give out debts, solve his problems. He must be aware of the severity of his position.
In the case when the husband completely denies the disease, claims that he can manage it, categorically does not want to see the doctors, he regularly breaks down, takes out valuable things from the house, is not going to give up drugs, behaves aggressively, humiliates, and beats - this is an excuse to leave. If he first confesses his love and promises to change everything, and then disappears for several days, and this continues regularly, it is better not to hope for a successful outcome. It is psychologically difficult for a woman and dangerous for her health and life.
Wives of drug addicts often answer that they keep the family for the sake of children (if there are children or a woman is pregnant) so that they do not grow up without a father. On the contrary, it will be dangerous for a child to grow up with such a father and observe constant scandals and aggression against his mother. If you prove in court that your husband is a drug addict, he may be deprived of parental rights.