Constraint is a feature inherent in a large number of people, but its excessive manifestation does not allow many of us to live a full life, to make new acquaintances, including with representatives of the opposite sex. Young girls who are not experienced in romantic communication with guys, even wanting to take a step towards a young man, do not do this and do not respond to courtship. Shy women should remember that guys often think about how not to be shy girls. Therefore, shyness should not be considered a vice, but it should not be elevated to the rank of virtues either. So you can spend a black and white life, watching from the side, how brave girls enjoy the whole palette of colors. The problem of shyness is solvable, but delicacy is required here. First of all, you need to find out if the guys are only embarrassed by the girl or is she timid with all the people?
You can get rid of excessive embarrassment in front of people using the following methods:
stop digging in yourself
think more about your strengths and successes,
remember that people are more concerned about their own shortcomings, and they don’t care about strangers,
take into account that other people are also sometimes shy,
inspire a sense of confidence (at least 5-10 minutes a day) until it becomes familiar,
when communicating with another person, do not focus on yourself, but delve into the conversation of the interlocutor.
After working on yourself and noting that these methods work, you can begin the second stage of the fight against shyness. To do this, you need to constantly expand the circle of friends, making new acquaintances wherever possible: in public transport, while jogging or walking your pet, at a performance, in lines. Then even an overly closed person will begin to gradually liberate and gain communication skills with unfamiliar people. This will help stop worrying and start living normally.
Why should you stop shy about your boyfriend and how to do it?
At any moment, the calm and measured life of a young woman can be interrupted, and the reason for this will be an acquaintance with a dream guy. At first, the girl is unlikely to trust him 100%, but excessive restraint will also not be useful - in this case, the relationship between young people will end without even starting.
The guys should not be shy for the following reasons:
There is a chance that the guy is shy too, and this is another obstacle in the relationship.
Most likely, the young man already has experience in communicating with girls, against the background of which an overly timid chosen one will look at least stupid.
In order not to feel awkward.
If the same guy were the girl's cousin, would she be timid with him?
How to get rid of shyness in front of a guy: general tips
To excitement began to go away a little, you can imagine that the first acquaintance has already passed. But when you begin to eradicate shyness, you should not get too carried away, because this trait is an indicator that the girl has a delicate and sensitive nature, which is able to empathize and love.
You can overcome shyness in front of a young man in stages, in four steps:
First of all, a young lady needs to think: how would she want to see herself next to a guy, what features would she endow with the main character if she wrote a novel about herself?
Having decided on the image, you need to find out what is required to implement the plan? Perhaps these are neat low-heeled shoes, thanks to which their owner will not feel like a "giraffe". Or maybe it's in a stylish hairstyle that can give a girl self-confidence? The list of options for getting rid of shyness in front of a guy is endless, so you need to approach this issue depending on your circumstances.
What about an act that previously seemed completely fantastic to our heroine? For example, you can, without waiting for the initiative from the guy, invite him to take a walk, and during the walk you can also offer to try the pie, which was baked by the girl herself according to her grandmother’s recipe. A young man is unlikely to refuse such an offer, because the guys are still those lovers of sweets!
Following the first three points, the girl will become much more confident in herself. And then, having called imagination to help, he will begin to experiment. If thoughts will be occupied with new ideas, and time - with their implementation, then there will be no time to be shy!
How a girl can overcome her shyness in front of a guy she likes at different stages of relationship development
How to stop being shy of a guy if the girl is not familiar with him yet?
In this case, it is worth taking a closer look where it most often happens. For example, this is a sociable person whom the whole university knows as an irreplaceable participant in all kinds of events and sports competitions. Perhaps he is a permanent holiday host or a local bard. In a word, the guy you like is the pride of the uni.
What about a girl? She considers herself ordinary, gray, inconspicuous. In this case, she has no choice but to prove herself in something, to “sparkle”, so much so that she would be noticed by many at the educational institution, including the activist she liked. You can enroll in a university KVN team, a creative club (theater, dance, etc.), and if you have musical talents and skills, you can join an ensemble. It often happens that former school students in the universities reveal their internal potential by 100%. When choosing a lesson for herself, the girl should strive to be as close as possible to the chosen guy, but at the same time not to take on a task that is "too tough for her." Indeed, in order to attract the attention of others, you need to do something if not “excellent”, then at least “good”. The “recipe for shyness” will bring the desired effect if it is supplemented with the following “means”: witty jokes, an increase in the circle of friends and acquaintances from a common environment with the object of adoration, a radiant smile, an irresistible appearance and other “female things”. And one more thing: in no case can you doubt yourself, and then the girl will be able to suppress shyness in front of the guy and even get to know him!
If a young man is hyperactive, then he may like the gentle quiet. But for him to notice a timid admirer, she will have to make a lot of effort and even “jump out of herself”.
How to stop being shy of a guy at the very beginning of a relationship with him?
Here we must try to find “common ground” as early as possible, that is, common topics for conversation and hobby, and then the candy-bouquet period will not be overshadowed by the constraint of thoughts and actions. An awkward pause at the beginning of a relationship with a guy can be filled with an interesting story. If, according to the behavior of the young man, it is noticeable that he is also timid (perhaps he, for his part, wants to understand how not to be shy of the girls), then you can invite him to visit his favorite place. This will undoubtedly bring the couple closer, the girl will stop worrying and begin to live a full life, giving her chosen one joy and receiving it in return.
How to overcome shyness in front of a guy who already managed to like, but the girl only met him?
In order for the acquaintance to be long, he must like the girl in communication. If at a meeting with an attractive young man she will “crumple” phrases and timidly look away, then such a couple, most likely, has no future. The fair sex should think in advance: what will she ask the guy she met recently (for example, what is his opinion about yesterday’s TV show?), What will she ask (maybe you need to help move the stands), where will she invite (to the action, exhibition, disco, etc.).
How to stop being ashamed of your body in front of a guy?
It also happens that everything goes as it should: the girl confidently communicates with the subject of adoration, the relations of young people are developing. But here, as luck would have it, the problem begins to “gnaw” on her, how to stop being ashamed of my body in front of a guy? Prior to this, the young lady skillfully hid the imperfections of her figure under her clothes: the protruding belly was covered with spacious tunics, her small breasts were “supplemented” with foam of a bra, cellulite hips were hidden in the folds of a long skirt.
By wearing a “burqa” and “timidly hiding the body of fat in the cliffs” no one has solved the problem of the figure. It requires an integrated approach, including diet, exercise and increased self-esteem. The girl must deal with the last point in the first place, because the young man will not wait until she grows thin and pumped up.
To get rid of complexes, a girl can remember the first days of meeting a guy. After all, he consciously chose her and did not make her comments about the figure, even seeing a number of shortcomings (unfortunately, you can’t completely hide them under clothes).
And if you watch your friends? For example, Irina is an immense crumpet, but what a charming, witty, smiling and with a sparkle in her eyes! Because of the guys and there is no end. And Valentina, having a chiseled figure and an antique face, is always “in the back”, because she’s arrogant, boring and “empty”. Thanks to such observations, you can develop a line of your own behavior and not be bothered by how to stop being embarrassed about your body in front of a guy.
Constraint is the main obstacle to success of any kind, and if it comes to relationships between the sexes, then even more so. Do not be afraid to utter a word, for fear of seeming awkward. You can turn any embarrassment into a joke and laugh together. It is important not to deprive yourself of the pleasure of spending time with the guy you like. To achieve the desired, you need to suppress timidity and make at least a small step towards the dream. Many sayings also say the same thing: “Trying is not torture”, “To be afraid of a wolf - do not go to the forest!”, “Who does not risk - he does not drink champagne”, etc.
What is constraint
So, for starters, let’s determine what the word “constraint” means. It is a character trait that is characterized by timidity, awkwardness and indecision at the time of communication with other people.
Most often, shy girls try to avoid visual contact and dialogs with strangers, and it often doesn’t matter if they are guys or women. Also, do not expect spontaneity in actions or conversations from a shy girl or woman. Usually they have to carefully monitor what they say so as not to blab out something that might seem foolish to others.
Of course, the fact that a person is shy can be determined, if not at first glance, then after the first remarks. The greatest fear of a shy girl is to seem funny, stupid, or inappropriate. Of course, this feature imposes a certain barrier in communicating with other people, therefore, owners of a shy nature, usually try to fight their indecision or suffer silently because of it. As a result, if you do not overcome the constraint in time in certain situations, this can leave a negative imprint not only on personal life, but also on professional realization.
Find out the reasons for your embarrassment
The first step is to determine where this character trait came from. It is important to note that very rarely shyness turns out to be a quality acquired by a person in adulthood - usually shyness begins to manifest in character already in childhood. This usually happens due to the improper influence of the family and teachers. If a child often finds himself in an uncomfortable position before others because of his parents (public reprimands, punishments, and the like), then he begins to withdraw into himself, and this gradually becomes a habit.
A child who is forced to face the exaggerated demands of his mother or father always feels himself insufficiently “good” or right. ” Simply put, it seems to him that he is worse than others, so this affects his behavior.
Also, shyness often affects children from not-so-prosperous families. As a rule, they try to avoid talking about relatives, they are afraid that someone will find out that everything is not good in their house, and gradually become self-contained. If it is not customary in a family to show tenderness and love (hugs, affectionate words, kisses), then this in a certain way forms the character of the child. Not having a positive example before his eyes from an early age, he himself does not know how to demonstrate his feelings.
Accept yourself, your appearance and your body
In adulthood, children's reasons for shyness are usually forgotten, giving way to completely different ones. A person, often immersed in himself, is used to treating himself with a bias. Girls usually begin to look for flaws in their own appearance, and usually find them successfully. We can talk about completely biased qualities that other people seem quite attractive. “Having realized” that their appearance is far from ideal, the girls try to communicate less with other people, fearing that they will notice their “defect”. From the outside it seems silly and funny, but for a shy person this is a real drama.
Believe in yourself - down with complexes and fears
If you are a shy girl, then you probably already managed to identify all of your weakest points. Undoubtedly, you have fixed each of your flaws, and in the subconscious mind always remember about it. Now it's time to overcome your complexes, and begin to act in a completely different direction. To begin with, determine your most advantageous aspects - in appearance, character, and skills. Even if now it seems to you that you are not observing any positive aspects, it simply means that you thought badly and are clearly missing something.
Having finally discovered your virtues, try to focus on them. Recognize that because of your shyness, you are depriving yourself of the many joys of life. Sometimes shyness can lead to completely ridiculous and absurd situations. For example, the girl has some problems with her teeth, but she does not go to the dentist, shy of him and fearing that he will scold her for the running situation. This problem grows with time, like a snowball - it’s becoming more and more frightening to go to the doctor, and communication with people around you is rather limited - suddenly they will notice this drawback. If you are faced with a similar situation, then begin to act immediately. Imagine how you will feel when your problem is resolved? Now tune yourself to the fact that sooner or later you will have to tackle the problem, and the sooner this happens, the faster it will be left behind. Even if you have to go through several unpleasant minutes, it’s better to do it as quickly as possible, to “shoot back” to leave the problem behind, and not to live on it daily. Believe me, the worst expectations are very rarely met, and sometimes a shy person who finally decides to do something, then wonders if he was afraid to do it before.
Many shy people who have to overcome themselves in something (to speak to the public, call a stranger, make a toast at a large table and the like) have mastered a kind of “trick”. So, if you have to do something that instills fear in you, then imagine that it is not you who do it, but who else. Exactly this: for a few minutes, or as long as necessary, imagine that you are a completely different person.
Changing the way you behave in front of people who already know you well is often more difficult than making the first impression so that the new person does not suspect that you are shy. Try this game. Does everyone know you as a shy girl? Do an experiment. When you have to make contact with a stranger, try to behave differently. Going to a meeting, just forget about your indecision, do not give her the slightest chance to appear - throw yourself a peculiar challenge.
Observe other people more, ceasing to focus solely on yourself. As a result, you will probably notice that there are still no ideal people - everyone has some drawbacks. However, many of their owners do not pay attention to it and enjoy life.
Social skills still need to be trained - it will benefit you! If you are afraid to communicate with people, then this is the first thing you should start to do. In order not to injure yourself, learn this skill gradually. So, take the phone - you have to talk with a stranger. Before this, you can “tune yourself” and “talk” by talking with a friend or other close person. Now it's time to call, for example, a fitness center. Ask the administrator if they have gift certificates, and what is the cost of an individual training with a trainer. If you are shy, then, for sure, this conversation will seem rather exciting to you, but when you finish it you will feel better. Carry out such experiments every day until there are no barriers in front of you. Gradually, these skills will pass into real life with "live" communication.
Который тебе очень нравится
Многим девушкам знакомо чувство скованности в момент общения с молодым человеком, к которому они испытывают симпатию. Обычно такое поведение вызвано одним фактором: девушка боится выглядеть глупо перед молодым человеком. Если вы тоже боитесь, что покажетесь понравившемуся парню недостаточно остроумной, и поэтому избегаете общения с ним, то вы делаете большую ошибку. Just be yourself. A rare guy thinks that the main advantage in the opposite field is the skills of a good storyteller. If the guy has already begun to pay attention to you, and you have the opportunity to communicate with him, then you managed to interest him by completely different criteria.
I'm embarrassed to eat and drink in front of him
There are often cases when girls can not overcome the constraint, and start eating or drinking in front of a young man. There may be several reasons for this. Perhaps you think that the way you absorb food is not aesthetic, and it will be unpleasant for a guy to watch it. It is possible that it seems to you that you swallow loudly, chew food inaccurately. It may also be that you are afraid that the moment you start to absorb your dessert or dish more seriously, the guy will ask you some question, and you will not be able to immediately and clearly answer.
If you are familiar with such fears, then it is advisable to get them out of your head as soon as possible. You may not know this, but most guys love to watch a girl eat, and people with a good appetite cause them more sympathy than those who always go on diets or for some other reason avoid a joint dinner or a simple snack. You can also have no doubt that almost all people eat the same way, and if you do not behave very ugly, then you are unlikely to surprise the young man with anything. By refusing to eat together, you can even offend him. Recognize that sooner or later the day will come when you will have to chew food in his presence, and this does not require months of preparation - start at any nearest suitable moment so that the guy does not begin to consider you strange. The more you attach importance to such a simple physiological process, the harder it will be for you to decide on it.
I'm shy to undress in front of a guy
When a couple moves to a new stage of relationship (intimacy), then the girl may experience certain problems that may have affected you as well. Girls are afraid to completely naked in front of their partners, or do it only in pitch darkness, fearing that their lover will be disappointed when they see their nakedness. The most interesting thing is that this fear is completely unjustified. The guy already imagines what you look like, and you will not be able to surprise him with something. If you think that your hips are too wide, no matter what masking skirts you wear, the guy has already managed to examine them or “touch” them. The same may apply to the waist, legs or chest. Although the latter aspect can be a little more complicated. Some girls with small breasts consider this a drawback, and wear bras that add volume in the right places. If you do the same, it is possible that the guy in the end can really be surprised. You should realize that you still can’t hide the truth, and it is quite possible that what you think is a disadvantage will cause completely different emotions for the partner. In order not to make a sudden opening, put on an increasingly smaller bra for each new meeting, gradually reaching its true size. Most likely, the guy will not notice anything, or the size of your breast was not a special secret for him, despite all the tricks.
Is shyness always bad
It is important to understand that in not every situation, shyness is a bad quality. By the way, this trait very rarely repels people around, but rather touches, unlike vulgarity, licentiousness, tactlessness and arrogance. As a rule, shy people are deprived of all these unpleasant qualities. We also note that many older people and guys who do not seek entertainment for one night consider shyness not a disadvantage, but an advantage for a girl, and sometimes they even specifically seek a life partner with just such a feature. This trait is usually disliked only by the complete opposites - arrogant people, who are "everywhere." Ordinary people have an understanding of this quality, realizing that it is in no way capable of harming them personally, unlike many other unpleasant character traits that are inherent in some people.
Normal girl education
In general, it is wonderful that you have such a reaction to a new lover, if it is without pathology. So you were given a normal, standard upbringing, like all the girls in childhood. The phrase "Well, you're a girl!" Sounded almost from the iron for any reason:
- you can’t rave, run, scream, ride or swear,
- don't play aggressive boyish games,
- it is ugly to be an upstart, boastful and imaginary.
“Modest, girl!” - that was the main emphasis. Here the weak half of humanity developed such a complex, or a reflex: to respond to some kind of non-female situation with embarrassment and redness of the cheeks.
Falling in love is no exception. After all, a girl is not customary to approach the guy in a night club herself with the words:
Young man, does your dad need a daughter-in-law?
For any attention on the part of the insolent one must kindly repulse, although he is a pretty small one. But if a dream guy “rolls up”, then why shouldn’t the girl reciprocate him? This is the norm in education.
But it happens like this: even if at the first meeting you liked the guy, and you are not able to overcome the constraint, then the devil knows from what depth of soul a bad response comes - inadvertently you can cheat on him yourself.
But such a reaction is a pathology, as in the article How to Stop Being Afraid of Men. From this article you will find out why this happens to you, and you will find recommendations on what you can do about it. Your reaction is clear - you just scared off your fear in this way: it's like killing a spider abruptly when it suddenly appears.
But your shyness without aggression can also be understood, apparently psychological trauma is not so deep. This is written in the article How to cope with a fear of relationships. You are just subconsciously afraid of love failures, if you suddenly begin an affair with this handsome man. And you still have not enough experience, or it is not at all.
Appearance - first of all!
All failures and failures in women are often associated with insecurity in their appearance. Even some little thing, hidden from the eyes of strangers, subconsciously pisses you off. And if this flaw begins to strike everyone’s eyes, then there’s absolutely “carcass of the light”.
This is not necessarily a physical flaw, but just some sloppiness in clothes, manicure, makeup. A good example is in the article How to Become More Confident in Yourself - it tells about a simple draw on pantyhose that can shake a balanced psyche.
If you suddenly fell in love, accustom yourself to neatness. After all, if you start a romance and go on dates, then the first sex with the guy you are dating may also come as a surprise. And if you're not sure about something, then embarrassed as Bridget Jones with his huge underpants.
To be one step more confident, do not be afraid to change yourself, albeit not dramatically. Dye your hair a tone lighter, experiment with the color of varnish and the style of clothing. Moreover, you yourself want your beloved to notice you in the crowd.
How to deal with treacherous physiology
All these redness, a surge of heat and trembling in the hands and voice instantly gives you a poor lover in you, who is embarrassed when communicating with his object of desire. Let's first think about how to get rid of these unpleasant things with the help of means:
Sweating. Here you can use antiperspirants that contain aluminum chloride. And carry dry napkins in your purse. And do daily hand baths with a weak solution of potassium permanganate. Hands are the first traitors: you’re even afraid to say hello to a guy by holding out a sweaty palm for a kiss of fingers.
Redness of the face. This is also an unpleasant symptom, but it is unpleasant only if the redness is spotted, or the face becomes dark brown. In this case, in order not to blush at the sight of a guy, you will need a foundation or good quality powder. But if you have a cute blush, then he only paints the embarrassed face.
Trembling hands and voice. This can also be literally hushed up. When talking, a simple chewing gum or candy candy helps. Yes, and hands need to be taken. Take the advice of the protagonist from the movie: “Madame Maid”:
To remove excess energy, I need a lightning rod - a simple clip, I hold it in my hands. All the energy goes into a paper clip and only speech remains! And this speech is smooth and exciting. Some of the best speakers held a paper clip. Like, for example, Henry Kissinger.
See how simple it is? To loosen up a bit and overcome fear, you only need a napkin, chewing gum, powder and a paper clip. Everything fits in your purse, everything can be claimed. So physiology is much easier to deal with than psychology.
How to overcome yourself psychologically
There are women who are afraid of absolutely everything when they are next to their new boyfriend: they are embarrassed to eat with him (how will I chew in front of him?), Laugh (what if he doesn’t like my facial expressions?), And even scared to look at him (all of a sudden he will read something in my eyes?).
Usually such a problem appears at the very beginning of a serious relationship, when you creep up on the end with a quiet glanders. But there is a way out of this problem:
Feel free to talk - listen more. In general, men are delighted with those women who listen carefully, there are few such girls. Answer only if you are asked. Do not be shy to admit that in some issues you are not strong - this is much better than clever and fall into a trap. Remember the saying: "It is not a shame to not know - it is a shame not to want to know!" Well, let the man himself enlighten you in some of his knowledge.
Bear in mind that when falling in love, the frontal lobe, which is responsible for the logic, is slightly turned off. Therefore, in a woman in love, this process can be doubly delayed. If you notice your mistakes in behavior, and your lover also sees it, then it is better to translate everything into jest and self-criticism. It will look more natural than putting yourself in a stupid position with a stone face.
Do not try to like it by force, that is, cause in it a random interest, as if you had nothing to do with it. Well, that is, to deliberately laugh out loud in the circle of girlfriends with him, to appear constantly where he is resting, to write in the social networks in his photographs some kind of stupid things supposedly from someone else. Sometimes, when women are "a lot", the effect may be the opposite.
Any man is pleased with everything that happens naturally, men know how to feel the catch, although their intuition is less developed than that of women. Do not be afraid to show the guy that you are shy, it even touches.
If a guy is not a fool, he is experienced enough, and he perfectly understands the female soul, then he has already “bit through” you for a long time, he simply tactfully keeps silent about his guesses. And your attempts to be an iron lady with obvious mistakes are funny to him.
How to overcome embarrassment at first intimacy
As such, there will be no embarrassment if you have already been close in soul for a long time. If your hygiene is in order, and you are not overgrown with complexes about your appearance, then just turn off the brain when making love. Oh yes, just take care of birth control in advance.
But if you have any serious fears or psychological injuries in this regard, then the article How to Stop Being Shy in Bed will help you. Having thrown all the past out of your head and set yourself up for positive, you can quickly stop being shy about a guy, especially if he is gentle and delicate in bed.
Finally - an unusual technique
Let's do a thought experiment.
Imagine that you have the super power to “read” men. Like Sherlock Holmes: looked at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You could get any man and have an ideal relationship and you would hardly read this article now in search of a solution to your problem.
And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people's thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.
We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her methodology has helped many girls have an ideal relationship and feel loved.
If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for visitors to our site.